">

28 June 2005

hmmm....would have written over the weekend, but i guess time with my darling was really far too important for me.... =) spent a wonderful weekend with him......we've grown so much in our relationship.........it's different now....we no longer need to express what we think or want to say.....our emotions for each other has surpassed everything...we can feel how much each loves the other just by being around each other....i guess my fears were all for naught.....it was all rubbish...guess i was just feeling so lonely that my thoughts just kept running wild.....but we had a great time together...........watched Batman Begins, as well as Initial D....both were really good shows......worth the money......

so yup.......i actually kinda decided.....probably going back to the canteen to work permanently.....location, working condition, people.....i guess....those 3 criteria really mean a lot to me....and that place has scored in all 3......chef asked how i found it there, and whether i wanted to extend my internship at the place...i take that to mean that i'm more of a help than a hindrance!! =) haha......at least it's both ways.......told HR already.......after all, the next 3 places i'll be going to is at Dunearn, and logically speaking, it's REALLY too far.....so.......it's too out of the way for me to even drop by, i guess.........

had a really lousy day today though..........kept injuring myself.....felt so out of sorts...coz obviously nobody "sayang" me after i injured myself so many times........and plus the frustration of work...sheesh........coz the counter fridges spoilt yesterday....and weirdly enough, it's when these things happen that everything else goes wrong......everybody seemed to be asking for a la carte orders today instead of the set lunches......causing me to have to run in and out of the chiller so many times today........sighz....dunnnoe how to put it...but it was just a really tough day........

hmmm...know how people always say that moths are actually souls of the ones who've left before us??? there seems to be a moth near my home everyday now that my granny has gone.....it's quite funny.....and it's always leading the way for me to come home......from the lifts to my stairs...each night.........kinda feel my granny's presence with me.......even though she's gone....and i feel kinda comforted...especially since i'm always feeling so alone now that darling has gone back to camp........ =)

my dear looks so cute with his hair all gone....but he looks good...just really young...like a small little boy..... =) at first, seeing him in a Number 4 took me quite some getting used to, as the only other person i've seen in one lately was zhiqi.....and the fact that both of them are almost of the same height...(robin's taller), and with the same spectacles and all.......i was really in a state of shock.....but after a while.....guess he's the same old darling after all.....the change was brought about due to a sudden change in environment...and i guess, he was like me when i first joined SHATEC, and the guys' vulgarities got to me, and it became second nature for me to curse........he's in my shoes now...and seeing how he accepted it, whilst not condoning it, i guess i should do the same for him.... =)

oh well, got to go now........really need to get some rest.......don't think i'll be writing again till sunday, after darling books in once more...........

baby....miss you so....feel so lonely still..........but i love the way our relationship has grown...come out quickly.........before i die from missing you.... =)




22June, 2005

Finally....after 2 weeks of extreme loneliness, my darling will be coming out to keep me company already......another off day for me today.......how i wish it had been tomorrow instead of today, then i wouldn't have to be rushing tomorrow....sighz...had planned to be cooking a really nice meal with all of my dalring's favourite foods tomorrow....but his mummy called me yesterday to inform me that she would be off tomorrow....asked if i wanted to go over for dinner as she would be cooking for him.......sheesh...kinda spoiled my mood, but, i believe his parents miss him too, so why should i fight with them over him....darling said that he'll be eating my food for supper since his mummy's cooking!!! =) hehe....my sweet little darling....

Lately, i've been helping out at the cold side...mainly because my head chef not around...that side is his baby, and he's quite reluctant to let me move over to that side........i guess i would have been helping out there by now if not for the fact that i had been away for 5 days due to my granny's funeral....sighz...but these last 3 days, there's been so few people in the kitchen that i've been helping out every station.....whilst i may not be well-versed with every single area, but still, i can more or less handle the areas with a little bit of questions asked....hmmmz...i kinda really like this place, and hopefully they give me a good rating when i leave......it's very likely that i'm gonna come back here.....unless i really wanna pursue fine dining........life here is relaxed, yet on the other hand, has a family sort of feel.......everyday's business has its ups and downs, with its busy and relaxed moments....pple here are also very willing to teach me stuff...so....who knows, i may end up working at the canteen/lazy gourmet permanently??

Since i'm in the area, i often drop by to LA to see my old friends.....really miss that place...and Gunther really is quite poor thing......whilst i really dislike the way he talks to us sometimes, but, it's really sad lately, coz nobody talks to him anymore, unless necessary...and i guess it's quite a sad life, especially when you spend such long hours working together....but i don't blame my friends for doing that to him either, coz i know that sometimes the things he says can really cheese them off.......

really dunnno wat to do.........i wanna fulfill my dream of getting married in 4 years' time...but then.....i wanna pursue my studies so that i can achieve my career goal of working as a restaurant manager in the end.....maybe even higher if possible....sighz...so many thigns to think about before i make such an important decision..but i guess it'll all depend on whether i win a scholarship again....i hope i can...... =)

spent my entire day off going to buy groceries so i can bake some stuff for my darling to bring in to camp.....at the same time, also pamper him with food whilst he's out.....spent so much money lately buying gifts for him...sighz.......so worried that he's changed whilst he's inside.....though i talk to him on the phone each night, but lately, his change in language has really shocked me......although i knew that spending this much time with that many guys would definitely change him, i guess i wasn't ready for it yet.......hmm....whoever u are that's reading this, please pray for him to stay true to himself, and not let idiots in the camp change who my darling really is k??? i may be oversensitive like i always am...but i guess i'm worried that even if now the change may be insignificant, that sooner or later, everything will be different........ i guess i'll just have to put my trust in him............

hmm....one good thing about my day off.....i got more rest than i usually would have.....and i finally got in contact with some of my friends....bumped into angela, liza and edmund 0nline......i finally am speaking to friends.....do u know how rare that is lately?? with the hours i'm spending at work, life's almost reduced to only contact with my family.....i feel better talking to them.... =)

k then.....have to go do my stuff or i'll never get to sleep again....wish i didn't have to go to work tmr though..............but...oh well....what choice do i have?? I just hope the day passes quickly tomorrow.....

darling......i hope u'll stay who u are.........but even if u change, i'll still love u anyway.........do come out quick though...before i drive myself crazy waiting for you.......




16th June, 2005

Sighz.......like i was saying in my last blog...how lonely can one get? hmmm...i found that out well enough with my granny passing away at the age of 104 last saturday....sighz.....my brothers, luke and matthew and myself were so lost. we didn't know what to do, and were contemplating between whether to tell my parents or not.......sighz...my family went through so much in the last couple of days that it's so much to take in.....

To respect my granny, this was the first "Chinese" kinda funeral that my family attended and participated in as members......we learnt a lot of stuff from all the chantings and what-nots, and at the same time, i guess it was a real experience for us since we probably wouldn't ever do something like that in our lifetime again.........it was truly interesting, and i guess that this funeral was also one in a million coz since my granny had passed a century, it was more a happy funeral than a sad one coz she had lived her life to the fullest, and thus we had to be happy for her. All of us wore white and red, and none of us could cry...........it was very nice, and my granny kinda left peacefully....according to some medium who came to pray for her, apparently, she's already in heaven with the Guanyin.......so.....i guess i'm happy.............through this trip, i really admired my daddy......whilst most people break down, and weep when the body is being sent into the furnace to be cremated, my dad had to be the one to press the button that would start the movement of the coffin into the furnace, and he was so strong. whilst he cried, but he continued singing with the music of Auld Lang Syne that was playing over the PA system in the background...just the way he would at any other funeral..........so proud of him, and i truly admire his strength......

i'm feeling so tired coz i spent the last few nights in malaysia doing the nightwatch, to ensure that there was always an incense burning, and that the candles did not burn out.........i'm glad i could at least do that for my granny.........i kinda miss her, but am happy for her.....

been calling my darling over the last few days as well...he's doing fine...sighz...the trip to malaysia only made me miss him more coz i had no one to share my feelings with...so much has happened, and whilst we were there, my poor eldest brother got chased by dogs, and he got injured coz he fell......the poor boy........i feel so bad to leave my parents there now, as they have to settle all the payments and the prayers after the funeral for the rites according to my extended family's religion......my mum looked so sad when we left today...coz both of them will be so lonely now...yet, we had to leave as we all need to go back to work........the both of them abandoned their trip, the poor things, a trip i know that can happen only once in a lifetime because of the company and all...but i guess....they had no choice either.......miss my parents too...i hope they come back soon.......

hmm....one more week before my darling comes back..i hope i get a good schedule next week.....i wanna spend as much time as possible with him....miss him so so so much............





9th June 2005

Here I am at my darling's home.....feeling very down, very lost, and very sad as well....feeling a multitude of emotions including fear......just 9 hours before is ay goodbye to my darling....whilst fearing for his new life inside, and how he'll adapt, i'm also feeling really upset that we've to say goodbye so quickly...the hours just don't seem to be passing slowly enough......it's passing so quickly that i can't grasp the minutes fast enough....... sigh.......my first night spent at his home.....my parents only allow it coz i guess they understand how i'm feeling......thank god they do........and, tmr night, at this same time, i'll also be bidding farewell to my parents........how lonely can one get? talk about feeling all alone man...i guess i'll really be experiencing that.........i just hope that my brother, luke and his girlfriend can stay over tomorrow night, so that i can get over my first night jitters..........it's been two and a half years with my darling, and during this entire time, i was never home alone..and even if i was, he was only a phonecall away......this is gonna be something to adapt to after two years with company all the time.......

on a lighter note, we watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith today.......really good show...the action and storyline was really well done, and boy, does angelina jolie look hot.......it's funny though...the show kinda made her look very good, and brad pitt kinda lost out in comparison to her.......but who cares...haha...they look really hot together.....loved the show.... =)

hmmm......this is so interesting you know, my ex and robin have so many things in common, it's almost scary...........just found another similarity today, and i guess i'll find out if they will end up in the same company as well!!!! both of them are virgos, with their birthdays only two days apart....both of them are middle childs in a family where the kids are all boys....robin took up accounting in poly, and my ex is taking up accounting in SMU now....both of them are going to school 2 in tekong.........sheesh...it's really quite scary ya know......but......they're very different people...both in the way they think, and their characters.......... =)

hmmm...don't think i'll write anymore....need to spend my last few hours properly with my darling....... hope everything goes fine.....god bless him and my parents, as well as myself!!

darling...the thought of u leaving already makes everything seem so blue in my life......please take good care of yourself...i love you....




7th June 2005

It's already 11pm.....i've only 1 day left with my darling.......i feel like the saddest person alive..........gonna be so lonely for the next 2 weeks.........my darling's going in, my parents are going to Greece, my 2nd brother is going to Czech Republic.....with only 2 brothers around, I feel so......lost......sighz....am still making up my mind on whether to come back home or to go to my nanny's place........feel so disoriented......this is bad.......i wish i could extend the minutes into hours....there's so many things i wanna do....but there just ain't enough time....i feel like crap.....

To keep my mind off sadder stuff, i shall post on my new life at Canteen....Have been given a very good roster this week....am on morning shift both monday and today, then am off tmr, whilst i take a day off on thurs to send my darling and my parents off.....then i'm on split on friday and sunday, and morning on saturday.....it's a totally different lifestyle here...and it's quite confusing actually, as our one kitchen actually serves both Lazy Gourmet as well as the Canteen...thus, the orders can get quite confusing, especially if you don't know the menus very very well......but i'm trying my best........because of the demands towards the kitchen team, the menu is very simple, but quite worth the price paid....i feel like i just stepped back into PETALS...with the organization of food and all, as well as the menu items......but it's very relaxed compared to what i've experienced at AJ and LA......totally different concept and all, and everyone here is very willing to teach me...whilst they can kill me for the mistakes i make sometimes, they do not reprimand me...rather, they explain the mistake to me, as well as teach me the right way.......they're also very willing to teach me new things, and let me do things, as compared to the other two, where they were so afraid of me spoiling the food....but i don't blame them.........this would be a choice for grabs though, so i'm definitely gonna keep it into consideration.......

Although I got to see a lot of stuff at AJ and LA, but, it's like.....in those two outlets, everything had a very clasy air about it...and in TC and LG, ti's more family like, and everything moves at a faster pace....whilst it was a challenge previously to get things right, as well as to make sure the food went out perfect and pretty, here, it's to ensure the taste is right, and that it looks presentable, whilst getting the food out in the shortest time possible.....hence, we move at a much faster pace....

but, it's still too early to say.......this outlet is definitely a location that is up for contention.....so...i'll just see how....

hmmm...can't keep my mind off the fact that my darling's leaving me.............feel like crap...feel so down.......sighz.........guess i'll be moody for quite sometime..........




5th June 2005

In the blink of an eye, i've already finished my one month term at AJ....time passes so quickly......funny though, i guess i won't really miss the place.....it just feels so.........foreign...even after i've been there for a month...it doesn't feel like a family to me, as much as Les Amis does...sigh....really don't know...this last week stay there has kinda convinced me that i most likely wouldn't go back there.....the fact that i've to walk so far in makes it kinda unappealing to go to work every day......maybe it's coz my darling is going in to army already, and that's why i'd rather spend time with him than to go to work...but the distance i've to walk each day kinda adds to my unwillingness too....

Been crying a lot lately, much because of my darling......don't worry...he didn't make me cry....i'm just sad that he's gonna be away for so long....i've promised him to stay happy though...even though i know it's gonna be an uphill task.......how can my days possibly be happy without him around..he's the love of my life, and the light in my days....he's everything that puts a smile on my face...at the worst moment, and also at my happiest moment...i know i sound obsessed......we both are...with each other.....sigh..........already i'm planning what i can do whilst he's away so that the moment he's back, he'll know how much i've missed him over the days that he was away.....what makes everything worse is that i'll be working...and i'm so afraid that when he calls me each night from camp, i won't be there to pick up the phone coz i can't.....sighz.......i'll practically live on hearing his voice....so i don't know how i'll survive...i probably will, but i guess i'll barely get through each day......hmmmm..it's not making me feel better that he's not feeling well at the moment...been feeling feverish all day long...and i've been so worried about him......now he's lying on my lap as i'm doing this......my poor baby......

gonna be signing off soon as i wanna play sims...hehe...got to sleep early too...coz gotta go church tomorrow......then go shopping for my darling's stuff...spend some time with his family....then come home......gonna prepare pandan creme brulee for my darling and my parents, when they return from malaysia tomorrow evening..........such a dilemma soon..hope my mum will let me stay at my darling's house on wednesday night........coz he's leaving on thursday morning...my parents will also be leaving for Greece on thursday evening...sighz.....double loss for me.........have to decide if i'll be staying at home, or if i'll be going to my nanny's place.......really dunnoe.....the biggest headache if i go is that my dad's plants would be jeopardised.....and secondly, how i'll transport my squashybabies there as i wouldn't want them to be alone for 2 weeks, parentless.....i could stay, but i'd already told my nanny beforehand that i'll be going to her place to stay.....and i also haven't seen her in ages...but her place is so out of the way from Shaw Towers.....and...sighz.....but i guess i'll have to make a decision soon,....just finished a bood by Barbara Delinsky, "An Accidental Woman"....not a bad book...decide to put off reading until my darling leaves...wanna give him my fullest of attention over the next few days.......

Baby...i wish you didn't have to leave...nothing means as much as you do..........and no day will be bright now that you're leaving....