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Monday 30 April 2007

just came back from yet another bonding session with darling and Angela.......feeling much more relaxed now...have been feeling so super stoned the entire day..... I think it's coz I've been so stretched over the weekend, plus the fact that I just donated blood yesterday....man, i totally could not focus on work today, and it didn't help that I had 7 periods with the kids can....I was so so so irritable that I felt bad for them....every little thing they did that was not right, and they got "screwed" by me...... oh well.........was drifitng in and out of blank thoughts the entire day.....thank God Mum is now discharged and resting at home...so yup, thanks to all of you who have been praying for her...... I really really appreciate it....now I just hope that she'll really rest and let her body recover before she goes and does all her nonsense.......

Had to cook dinner today, and we had a really simple and healthy meal..all for her sake.....but I enjoyed it....I think that through this ordeal, it's good coz my bros are actually more concerned about my mum...and as for my mum, dad, darling and myself, it's strengthened our relationship...my mum actually hugged me and told me she loved me today.....=) that's why I always say that God allows things to happen for a reason....never once do I question what he does, for I believe that his reasons can only be understood in due time........=)

so glad that it's a holiday tomorrow....will probably be meeting Angela for a movie tomorrow.....she and Darling went for a 10 minute run just now...coz Darling's trying to train her for her NAPFA.....it's good to see that Darling has such a strong friendship with somebody....coz I know how hard it is for him to find someone he can trust this much.....=) Thanks Angela, for being that special friend for him! Don't worry, I won't get jealous!! hahaha.....

oh well, k lah........shall go spend some time with Darling now........till my next post!




Sunday April 29 2007

Just got home from the hospital after another long day.....went to donate blood with Winson and Angela today..too bad Darling couldn't donate coz he just recovered from fever less than 2 weeks ago...and docs don't wanna take risks..so...didn't let him donate...i barely made it...coz my blood pressure was 97/67...which is actually quite low...and my haemoglobin (iron) level was only 12.1, meeting the bare minimum requirement to donate........nurses advised me to take more iron-rich foods and to cut down on caffeine, etc, as from July 1, they will raise the minimum HB level to 12.5, which will make it harder for me to qualify.......

Darling and me cooked Seaweed soup and made lots of bread to bring with us to the hospital today....Man...I almost died can......so so so bored......we spent the whole day sleeping, and trying to keep ourselves occupied......really dunno if Mum can be discharged tmr coz the doc is gonna remove the thing that's been in her nose these last few days...it's actually an ice-cream stick..so pls imagine how big it is for our nose...anyway...ya....I guess that if there's complications or if they feel that she's not ready for discharge, they'll probably keep her in another day.......which I actually prefer despite the fact that it's gonna take an even greater toll on us, coz at least she'll be resting for a longer period of time.........afraid that if she comes home, she'll start moving all about again.......

sighz....am super super tired now...my mind can't focus on anything.....don't know how to teach tmr.......it's gonna feel super long and draggy at school tmr lor.......pity my kids....sighz.....

anywayz, supposed to be going for Legion retreat this coming weekend, but obviously now I can't go, coz of my mum's condition.....but Darling will still be going coz I don't think they'll let him pull out...in a way, it's also to not give them a reason to blacklist him coz they already don't like him......and most importantly, it's also to keep Angela company..otherwise I think she'll die of boredom..........man..they can't talk for like 2 days can? I think i'll die lorz........

oh well...k lah...shall have to go cook soup for my mum tmr le.......otherwise I won't be able to prepare it in time...pls continue to keep her in your prayers!! thanks!!




Saturday 28 April 2007

I'm currently feeling super drained...physically, mentally, emotionally......my mum's in hospital....has been there for the last 3 days, and she's still in.....it's been crazy this entire period....what with my kids having their exams and all.

sighz.......

Have been trying so hard to stay strong this entire time....much as I broke down on Thursday night when she was first warded......yet after that, i've been the one that's constantly been by her side ever since......darling too...and sighz....i think it's really taking it's toll on us.......

Mummy can't stop moving around, despite the fact that she just had a minor operation a week ago to remove blockages from her nose........on Thursday, she was travelling to Bukit Batok to visit sick people......she's not even fully recovered, and there she is, visiting others.......so on the way home, she was on the phone with my grandfather, and due to his being hard of hearing, she found it difficult to convey what she wanted to say to him, leading to her feeling irritated, which shot her blood pressure up....and the blood just started gushing out at 5.45pm on the bus......

She came home, and I told her to rest whilst I cooked dinner....By the time I finished at 7 plus, her nose was still bleeding non-stop, and by bleeding, I mean continuous bleeding.......got worried, called her doc.....who gave us instructions to try to stop bleeding....but after 10mins, it was to no avail....called Angela (I love you so much...thanks for your help and advice!), who told me to let mum gargle iced water.......after continuous gargling, she spit out a super huge blood clot that probably measured about 2cm by 5 cm.......after that....the bleeding subsided.....I insisted that she be sent to A&E to ensure that nothing was wrong....... but b4 she could even leave the house, the bleeding started once more...........I decided to stay home, letting my dad follow Luke and Marilyn there..........this was 8 plus, almost 9pm..........

on the way there, I heard that she started vomitting blood out...and when she reached East Shore Hospital, she had already puked a lot a lot of blood. Yet, not much medical attention was given...as I wasn't there, i dunnoe the whole story...but I know she vomitted all over her bed, and it was covered in blood......her blood pressure fell from 140 to 55 in less than one min, and according to my bro, she looked like she had died for that moment. It scared the shit out of him.......they called me, and I went looking for a priest to go bless her..........doc at the hospital stopped the bleeding by shoving something up her nose, which of course hurt like crazy......then she was warded into ICU............

after that, things got a bit more stable......she received blood transfusion the next day and all, and I was there straight after school until 12 midnight.......

as my bros and me didn't feel that she was receiving sufficient medical attention at East Shore, as well as from her doc, we decided that she be sent to SGH this afternoon.......sighz....I tell u, SGH is still the best....they really really care, and really really take the trouble to explain to you why things happen......which of course makes u feel ten times better......

So anywayz, she's now still at SGH...dunno when she'll be discharged.....but yup, I reckon tmr will be spent at the hospital again. Man...I'm super tired....came back home, and did housework coz ya, the house is in a mess.......tmr I've got to do reading still...sighz....am thinking of going to donate blood tmr, since I'm already at outram.......

won't be writing much coz i'm really very very tired........pls pray for my mum ya........thanks.......


nigel, sheena, winson, thanks for coming to visit her......really appreciate it...thanks for being there for me and my mum..........

angela, thanks for visiting her both days...and for providing much advice and help to us especially when we needed it most...goes to show our signature for you was not in vain!! =)

darling darling..thanks so much for being there for me...dunnoe what i'd have done if you weren't there with me to support me throughout....thank you for being so patient with me even when I was being unreasonable due to my lack of sleep......I really really appreciate it....I love you..




Sunday April 22 2007






hmmm...darling and me planning to go for a picnic tomorrow....coz ya...haven't done that in a long time...wat's more, it's our 52nd monthsary........hehe..i think he doesn't know that I made a gift for him...but yup, am thinking when to give it to him.....=p now that i'm thinking about it, can't believe that when we hit our 60th month together, we'd be married already!! *gasps* it's crazy just to think about it...but i'm most definitely looking forward to it!!! anywayz....here are the photos from yesterday and today.....




nigel and his birthday cake....

At Outram MRT after tanning!

see how red my lobster darling is?? haha














Sunday April 15 2007

It's been a truly wonderful weekend......Spent many many precious moments with my darling, and I feel that we've grown truly closer.....in moments like that, I feel like Darling and myself have regained the kind of love where everything had just started out....and things were all happy, pure and nice, with nothing unhappy attached to it.....kinda like the honeymoon period....and yet, we both know deep down inside that it's definitely more than that.......in these last few days, I'm thinking so much about our wedding.....and i simply simply can't wait for that day to come, when I can walk down the aisle with him, look into his eyes, and tell him "I do"......

On our way to Church today, saw a white Beetle that was used as a wedding car, and it had yellow ribbons on it.....it's just so adorable..and I fell in love with it.......=)

Anywayz, heard this song during Easter Mass last week.....i think it's super nice...super meaningful........will definitely use it during the Wedding Mass! 8 more months.....I simply can't wait!!!!!









saw this video on Clare's blog......think it's really nice and meaningful...I always loved the song...but never really knew all the lyrics......watching the video just gave it so much meaning..... enjoy...




Saturday April 14 2007

hmm...it's been a good day today.....

slept in with darling till about 9 plus, then we cuddled up on the couch to watch tv together....enjoying each other's presence...been so long since we last did that.....doing nothing, saying nothing, just feeling nice, warm and safe with each other......

went to NTUC at abt 11 plus to get groceries, then Angela came over for lunch...we had tom yam soup with noodles...hehe....then had rootbeer float...such indulgence...Angela then went for her piano class....and Darling and me spent more time together again..until about 5, when we left to meet Angela again for dinner at Outback....

Man...we ate like so much, I'm still feeling bloated right now......but it was good, and total indulgence...haha.....i think the 3 of us died eating our food today....anywayz, we went shopping after.....hehe..I bought a yellow skirt and blue top....our colours!! haha.... haven't bought clothes since new year...so, I think it's quite okay...anyway, spent only about $40 on them.......then yup, went to buy Nigel's present....hope he'll like it....=) we had coffee, and yup, we headed home.......

Had quite a lot of fun today....enjoying time with people I treasure.......*smiles*....it's funny though, I seriously think I'm really really really stressed out..I have no idea why.......lately, i keep waking up very suddenly, thinking that I am late for school, church, etc, like the other day, I woke up every single hour thinking I was late for school, and I even woke Darling up....but it turned out that it was only 2 am, 3 am and 4 am in the morning.......and today, I jumped up again, thinking that we were late for Mass....sighz...it's really scary......I think I need to relax...yet the funny thing is I don't even feel stressed out at all.....only thing is that i feel like there's a lot of things on my mind....maybe that's the cause of it all........

oh well..have to get back to doing my work........tomorrow's gonna be another nice day, i hope! =)




Friday April 13, 2007

It's Friday the 13th....funny how there's so much hype around it......oh well...i remember how as a kid, we'd always think how bad luck would all strike us just coz it's Friday the 13th..and now, when I look back at those memories, I can only laugh....=D kinda silly eh....

Anywayz, am now at Darling's house......taking a breather from everything as I'm typing my blog...feeling so tired and sleepy...hehe.....very very sticky too....it's been a really hot day, especially since i had 4 PE periods today.....the weather's really going bonkers, I tell you, one min the sun's shining so brightly, the next moment it's raining like there's no tomorrow.....

oh ya...I forgot to mention that I have already been accepted as a Permanent Contract Teacher by MOE, which means that I'd be considered for the next available intake......

Sighz, actually very lost about what I really want, whether I'm actually hoping that I'll get into NIE ASAP, or whether I'd actually wanna stay with my kids through the year......I guess I'm only in this state coz of my wedding later on in the year....I'm entirely aware that preparations are just gonna get more and more....and somehow I feel that only when I'm doing what I'm doing now, will I be able to have a schedule as flexible as this, and still have my weekends free..I mean, other than Weds and Thurs when they're totally out, and days when I'm scheduled for courses, my days are actually quite free, and I'm able to actually leave by 1.30pm....it's pretty much up to me......my weekends are also entirely free.....however, it of course means more work and daily responsibilities..........on the other hand, going to NIE, it will guarantee that I'm graduating and finishing my course earlier.....however, having been in JC where my days last from 7.30 in the morning till 5.15 in the evening with breaks lasting up to 3 hours plus, I'm fully aware that this kinda scenario can repeat itself....not to mention the assignments and stuff....sighz....I really dunno wat I want, and I guess I have to leave it up to HIM to help me decide...I believe my path has already been mapped out......so yup.....I shall not worry......

hmmm.....parents are away in M'sia, to visit my grandmother's grave.....coz it's Qing Ming and all......wish I could go, coz I haven't seen her grave for about 1 year plus.....hope they're alright and all.......mum's going for operation on Monday right after she comes back....to remove some pus she has in her sinus area....sighz....really hope God blesses her and watches over her....also hope that He'll give her some way to pay off the medical bills.......much as she has Medisave and Insurance to cover, I believe the bills will still add up to quite a substantial amount....don't think my bros are even capable of paying off anything or contributing..so.......sighz....I really dunnoe....

ah well....tmr's gonna be a good day.....gonna go exercise and suntan with Darling in the morning (provided the weather is good!), and then come back for lunch......cooking macaroni soup and tom yam soup for Angela......then she'll go for her piano, whilst darling and me rest...then later at night gonna meet her for dinner, where she'll be treating us to Outback for being her guarantors...haha.....yupz.......then at night, may be meeting my dear boys for movie.....heard Luke say that The Reaping is good....if we don't watch tmr, then will probably watch on Sunday after our JXY Celebratory Dinner.....Sunday also gonna meet this couple assigned to us by the Church to help us through with the preparation for the wedding..so..it's gonna be quite a busy yet good weekend...am just looking forward to spending more time with my darling! =)




Monday April 9 2007

My poor darling is down with illness again.....poor baby......worried me sick...sighz...i seriously think he's overworked..... he worked for a whole day on Saturday, from 8am in the morning, and he reached home only at 2am.....was working non-stop the entire day, facing the computer....sighz..........then we slept, and woke up early the next day to attend Mass...after which was Curia, and we went out to eat......I think the Kenny Rogers made him worse....coz even Winson, Angela and myself all didn't feel too good after eating...but immediately after that, Darling came down with a fever.......it hit 38.6 degrees last night, and his indigestion made everything worse....sighz....i got so so so worried...sent him to see a 24-hr clinic at 10.30pm......kept sponging him down...coz i really got scared....woke up this morning, and his fever climbed to 39.1 degrees. Sighz...I've never been more worried in my life......took urgent leave from work, and sponged him down continuously with iced water........ had no choice but to leave for work in the afternoon coz my kids had oral, and we're short of teachers...........

darling seems to be better now....but he's still running a fever...angela predicts it's gonna rise again later on in the night...but it still doesn't seem so.....i hope it doesn't too, coz I will fall sick myself if I keep this up......really am not getting enough rest, coz I'm so worried about him..... my poor baby.........and he has to do duty again on Thursday...I really hope he can switch it with the guy he helped to do duty for last week......otherwise i'd really be worried sick...... doesn't help that i've got to bring my girls for table tennis competition tmr after school.....can't rush home immediately to see how he is.....sighz.....worry clouds are hanging just above my head...........




Saturday, April 07, 2007

It's Holy Saturday.....and Darling has gone to work........have not had time to update my blog the last few days. So since I'm now free, have decided to write......

Red - the colour of blood; the colour of death; the colour of love. Which one does this colour mean to you? After watching The Passion of The Christ for the 3rd time on Thursday night, it was a renewal for me, remembering everything......reminding me what he had to go through in order to save my soul..... Analysing the effect the show has on people, I realise that females, being more emotional and maternal than guys, we actually suffer from watching the show more.....it's effects are greater, no matter how many times we watch it........on contrary, males, maybe coz they are trained to put aside their emotions, they tend not to feel anything about the show after the first time.....

Anyway, I felt the stay-over thingy on thursday at my church was kind of a joke. Sighz........every time i do something like that with the adults only makes me question their ability even more.......I felt the entire thing was a failure. Period. There were more adults than kids, and the entire thing wasn't even focused on the kids.......it's terrible. Fullstop. And please note that this is only my general comment. I haven't even commented on how crappy they handled all the hiccups.....to think they're all in high positions in church..... they can't even handle minor hiccups.......I think we all handle major events like these much better. all I can say to them is...."Whatever".......


On a lighter note, Darling and myself have decided on Moomedia as our photographer and videographer. Although he's pricey, but Darling has set his heart on Moomedia since the beginning......most importantly....u know how Darling is like.....he needs to be comfortable with the person before he can show himself, and be the crazy, funny boy we know him to be.... and well, Andrew, the photographer, managed to make Darling show that part of him in less than 5 mins of meeting him, despite the fact that Darling was feeling very tired and in a lousy mood when he first arrived. Darling actually spoke a lot, looked at the price list in great detail, and smiled and joked a lot...it's so rare when he's in the presence of strangers lah......even Maria was shocked...haha.......

Andrew's photos are nice.... in terms of pre-wedding shots, he's unlike Tucky in the sense that, Tucky focuses on what the couple likes to do, their character, etc, to bring out that natural feel from them......Andrew, however, doesn't bother.....he tries to ask the couple to do certain things, and in that moment, as they do it, they are actually interacting with each other, and thus, they actually create rather nice poses on their own, and he snaps away, capturing all the stolen moments that occur only at that point in time..........and, he also gives a lot of photos.....don't really know how to explain here....but it's like, he explained to the extent that we knew what we are paying for..... his actual day shots are simliar to Tucky's coz both of them enjoy taking journalistic shots..... but we took him for actual day coz he's also a videographer....and thus, it ensures that we have a video waiting for us.......as for his express highlights and MTV that he does, they're all very meaningful and sweet.....so yup....... =)

It's funny how after we've visited Moomedia, Darling has actually been on a constant good mood....he just can't stop making jokes, and making pple laugh....=) Also, we actually are more concerned about making each other happy lately....so...well, I believe it's a good sign......haha...

On the other hand, however, things have cropped up with our venue....sighz......RSYC already has bookings for 22nd December........so Maria's trying to ask if we can have the ballroom for that day.....if we can, and are satisfied with how they work, I guess we'll still take them, coz we quite like their package......but, worse comes to worse, I guess we'll have to settle for Galley by the Straits....Sighz...Maria has to work quick coz 2 other couples are enquring for the same date as us......why is 22nd December becoming so popular?! We had to decide on Andrew quickly too coz another couple wanted to have him for themselves as well...... so sickening......Guys...please pray hard for us to get a good venue okay???

Hmm......okay then....I think i'll stop here for now...have also got to update my wedding website....and do my school stuff.......so yup......shall update later!




Tuesday April 3 2007

yes...i'm down with a supposed flu...but it seems that my throat is the one that's killing me....did not go to school today, coz my voice sounds funny....and i know if I had to scream at my kids again today, i'd probably lose my voice entirely tmr.....so...yup...decided to stay at home...after all, darling also has his duty off today coz he did duty yesterday......

hmmm..downloaded lots of new games last night off the net..hehe...then got other things to occupy my time......dunno why the stupid comp has a problem with my Sims all of a sudden...it keeps telling me something about my video driver or something like that....don't really understand......sighz.....weird thing is that this whole problem only started surfacing on saturday night....b4 that, all seemed to be fine! oh well.......

anywayz, tonight will be going for Legion meeting........this week is actually quite a busy week.... meeting tonight....contact time at school tomorrow...then will be going to visit Moomedia with darling and Maria......Thursday I have remedial and CCA, and at night will be the church thingy till friday...sighz.............oh well, but being bz does help to make the week seem shorter...it's good in the work sense, but bad when u realise that the exams for ur students are only 2 weeks away, and they still do not know how to read!!!! I think my kids will do super badly for the exams...but....sighz.....I really dunno wat to do to help them either.......

had a really nice afternoon with darling......though he's just sleeping, and i'm here doing my work, playing my games, but after a little while, each time i'm taking a break, i'll just go cuddle up to him.....and he'll just hug me subconsciously.......and i feel so safe, so contented..........so secure......and simply just by doing that, I just feel so so so happy........can't wait for the day when we're finally married!! =) Darling, I love you.....