Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Baby Faith is now a 12 day old baby.....She never ceases to amaze us with her antics.Yes, it definitely is tiring looking after her, with all the night feeds and diaper changes, making sure her every need is met......yet, every time she smiles at us, or even looks into our eyes as we talk to her, it makes everything worthwhile.....Many a time in the span of this week, i've doubted my ability to take care of her.....i definitely am able to take care of her needs, but i don't think i'll ever be a playmate to her......darling is the one that's constantly playing with her, talking to her....so much so that by the end of the first week, she was reacting to his voice each time he spoke.....on the other hand, i'm the feeding and cleaning machine for her....=) as always, we work well together, and it's when we are together that we do things best....not that we can't look after her alone...just that we're more effective together..... =DBaby Faith is changing day by day.... and every single time she looks into our eyes and smiles, even if it's only for that second, it just makes everything else fade away into the background and seem so insignificant.I'd always questioned how our little family unit would be like post-birth..... whether we were ready for it, how our lives would change and all... and I was so worried.... but it seems our priorities have all been changed now that Baby Faith is in our lives. She is the centre of our lives... can't imagine a day without her right now.... =)Of course, we do miss having a good night's sleep... one that is uninterrupted!! And we do miss unfrazzled evenings, watching the tv and all, doing our own things, having alone time once in a while.... But it's okay..... it's part of the package now that we have a child.... and I can't see us doing anything without Faith around... Our lives have changed, and so have our love for one another. It has reached a whole new level, a different stage in our relationship... I guess Darling watching me go through so much pain and me seeing how much Darling sacrificed for Faith and me has made us see each other in a whole new light.... and that has caused our relationship to further mature.... =)Faith has learnt to lift up her head when she's on her tummy, albeit for a little while, and well, she's learning to enjoy her bath time! Here are more pictures for you to enjoy!!!
11:35 PM
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Being pregnant was tiring..... Going into labour is an insane process. (I'm serious.... I told Darling I never wanna do this again!) Parenthood is a 24-hour job...... especially when it's looking after an infant........but Darling and me are loving every minute of it. There are times when we do wish we could get a little more sleep... Seriously, I think we've had less than 10 hours of sleep since Sunday!Sometimes I feel so super tired that I just wanna sleep some more...... sometimes... we just don't wish to get up..... there are times when we are terribly exhausted and almost frustrated.... and many times in the last few days where we felt lost, afraid and discouraged.......Yet... despite all of these, we are loving every minute of it. Her every smile, every action, every single thing she does makes it all worth it. And just looking at her..... fills our heart with so much love and warmth, that we don't want to do anything else but to watch over her....She's barely 4 days old.... yet, we've already noticed so many unique things about her.... her different cries, the kind of face she makes after she poops, whether that action means she's gonna wake up or it's just a distraction in her sleep....... all these can only be possible because we are spending so much time with her.Darling is excellent with her... It's true. I've always felt extremely lucky to be married to such a loving husband........ but.... just watching him handle her is making my blissfulness jump sky high.... not once has he flinched at cleaning poop or even taking care of me in the first 2 days after delivery when i couldn't even do something as simple as washing up after i use the toilet. Baby Faith simply adores him, and loves his voice.Parenting is new to us, but even more so for Darling, because, after all, I've always pretended my soft toys were little babies when I was a child, and I've always played with children. To Darling, this is totally foreign ground... yet, he's eagerly learning and finding out more about her every min of the day..........I wish this week would never end. The future really is uncertain with so many changes that lie ahead........ It scares the two of us..... But we know that God has his plans, and we know that the guiding factor in all our plans and decisions would be Baby Faith's well-being. Darling will be going back to work on Monday.... I sure hope I'll be able to cope when I'm on my own.......Here's leaving you with more pictures of Baby Faith! We saw her first smile today...... and she's learnt to turn to her side all by herself!!!!
9:47 PM
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Welcoming Baby Faith Regina Ho Kai En!!
After a long 19 hours of labour, Baby Faith has decided to arrive into this world at 1923 hours on the 22nd day of March 2009.
She weighed in at 3.28kg and is a length of 50cm.
We all came home on the 24th of March, and right now, we are learning more about her every minute, and loving her even more every single second!
Baby Faith would like to thank one and all for their prayers for her.....=)
10:06 PM
Saturday, March 21, 2009
I'm now 40 weeks and 1 day.Baby has 8 hours to decide to arrive on his/her own or be forced out by the Doctor. I have no appetite.... am terribly sleepy (due to insomnia for the last 3 nights).... and i'm itching like mad.The itch has spread everywhere, and i can't stop scratching.... i wake up because of the itch...And i can't fall back to sleep because of the itch....No one can understand how bad it's getting..... I can't stop scratching, yet I force myself not to scratch for as long as possible because my skin is sore........I'm still a little hung in disbelief and shock that all this is gonna be over in less than 12 hours.Is it really?Or is it just the opening of a new door to a future that I've always dreamed about but never expected would fall into my hands so soon?I feel like I'm watching the people around me move in excitement of the arrival of the baby....and I'm the only one lost in the emotions I'm going through right now. ALL my friends can't help but tell me how excited they are....People are msging and calling to check on whether Baby's arrived....I have no idea what to feel. I detest feeling like that coz I know I'm only making it harder for Darling. I believe he's excited about Baby too, yet fearful that we have to force Baby out, and at the same time scared of fatherhood that lies ahead of him......but.. he can't show any emotion because he knows he has to be strong for me. All because he knows I'm going through a difficult time myself emotionally, mentally and physically, and he wants to be my pillar of support in every way.We are supposed to be resting all day today, coz it's gonna be a long night.... But he chose to let me sleep whilst he did other things just now... I asked him why he isn't resting....He said he couldn't bear to sleep because of how much discomfort I was in.....I felt terrible. I really did. I hate feeling this way. I hate being uncertain of my own emotions....I hate being weak emotionally, coz I'm always in control. I don't know why I'm giving in to so much fear this time round. I've tried to pray and let go..... to let things take its natural course. But I can't.The last few days have been a massive array of last minute preparations for Baby.... All the things that have not been done were rushed out... Darling is trying to let me eat all my favourite food...... Because of the one month confinement that lies ahead of me. Yet... i don't gain enjoyment from the food. I just want time alone with Darling.Sigh.Listening to me, you'd either think I'm crazy or getting depressed.It sounds like I'm going to die. Ha.Half, if not all the people who even bother reading my blog have never seen this side of me before. I guess I rarely appear this vulnerable. Not to outsiders. The only one who's ever known how vulnerable I can be is Darling. But I've caved in this time.Don't get me wrong. I'm not this way all 24 hours of every day....But these emotions do clog up my mental and emotional state... and my current physical state ain't helping much.I am looking forward to carrying Baby in my arms. I really am. But I guess the negative emotions of everything else is just causing the joy of that to seem so small.Most of you probably would not understand why I'm attaching so much fear to Baby being forced out/induced.....It's not a bad thing. It definitely isn't.But it does make the whole process longer and more painful. And seriously, i don't want Baby to have to be forced... not in the first journey he/she makes into this world. I was hoping everything could be as natural as possible.Unless I gave in to the pain, or under certain reasons, Baby had to be taken out medically.Ah... I'm a mess. I really am. I hope going for Mass and Novena later will help me feel better and more assured.....I also hope that the next time I post, I'll be more upbeat, And I'll post Baby's pics too.....We'll finally all know if Baby is a boy or a girl... =)Keep Baby in your prayers if you do read this before twelve midnight today....
That there'll be no complications, and he/she will be safe.....=)Till then....
3:50 PM
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Back from yet another appointment.Weirdly enough, I have lost some weight, from 74.55kg to 73.85.... my appetite is really dropping. Can't seem to find joy in food anymore. And each time i eat, i feel like puking. =(Could it also be due to 'strenuous' activity at camp? *shrugs*Baby's weight seems to have peaked at 3.1kg, not increasing since the last 2 visits. But he/she was extremely active today.... moving like crazy during the monitoring of heartbeat. I was hoping to be able to lie on my side whilst doing the heartbeat monitoring, but Baby seems to hate me in that position, choosing to run away and not let his/her heartbeat be monitored... =(The last 3 days have been quite bad, coz I get a terrible crampy feeling in my lower abdominal area... and it's so bad that I tear from the pain.... coz it intensifies, then decreases in intensity, but never going away... and these aren't even contractions. I can't help but wonder what the real thing will be like. The itch on my tummy and legs are driving me nuts. I'm trying so hard not to scratch, yet the itch is so so terrible. I'm using so much powder to try to soothe the itch... but to no avail. I think my scars are gonna be terrible... =(If you've had chicken pox before, this is ten times worse...... i never once scratched during my chicken pox days..... but this, i really cannot tolerate.....Doctor is concerned that Baby might either get too big for me to push, or that he/she might poop into the amniotic fluid..... and so, we've decided that if Baby still doesn't choose to exit my womb by 0030hrs on 22/03, Darling and me would then head to the hospital to induce Baby's arrival. Those of you who know us well enough would know the date is special to us... =) so whether Baby arrives on 22nd or 23rd, the date would still be meaningful....But we're hoping Baby arrives before then.... we really don't want to force Baby to exit the place he/she feels so safe and secure in...... It's been quite a bad morning/afternoon so far.... Darling tried to bring me out for a good meal, since i'm gonna be deprived of all the food/drink I love to eat during my confinement.... but I just couldnt' seem to think of anything I really wanted to eat. I'm also feeling quite moody and down....Ended up having quite a good meal at Ichiban Sushi... the food and service were good, and prices were reasonable..... Yet, it had to be spoilt by me..... coz just as I told Darling I was full, I puked all my lunch and breakfast out.... =(Kinda sucky... but I guess I'm used to the feeling... just that it had disappeared for so long....I know I ought to sound happy and excited about Baby's arrival..... But my emotions are all mixed up right now. I guess the past 40 weeks was just me putting away the thoughts of the changes we'd be experiencing. Although prep has been going on and all, but well, I guess the whole talking about it to Doctor just now has caused reality to hit home, and well, it sure hit hard...... So many unknowns.... I can only pray and hope for the best. Right now, just wanna spend as much quality time with Darling as possible.... coz that's something I really fear losing at this moment. Of course Baby's welcome into our lives, and I'm more than happy to form our family unit....But, well, I guess it's coz i'm so comfy with my life right now that I don't wanna give it up...I do know though that once Baby arrives, I'll feel differently.....and I'll probably look back at this post in a couple of months and smile in amusement at the thoughts going through my mind....For now though..... I guess I still wanna be selfish for a little while more......On another note.... OTC went relatively well.......As always, there were those that exceeded our expectations, met our expectations, and those that fell below it.....But it's all good.... after all, we all need time to grow and change, and it's through such experiences that one grows......The kids are doing well enough for now... And my advice, or rather advice from the 7 of us have been given out in the best way possible. I only hope the lessons they've learnt and their take-home message stays with them long-term, and not just a short-term post-camp high.... because our messages, though not prepared, especially those said during the debrief, yet, it came straight from our heart...... we meant every single word we said to every single one of them......The road ahead is theirs to walk..... and well, all we can do now is to pray and let God lead the way.
3:47 PM
Friday, March 13, 2009
I'm 39 weeks today!By right, Baby ought to be due next Friday... .but we never know do we?Had my weekly check-up yesterday. I'm now 74.55kg. Argh... anymore weight gain and i'd have put on a total of 20kg!!! Sheesh. I just hope the weight goes away as easily as it came on!Baby's weight is still about the same and he/she has engaged already, meaning it's in position... so I'm pretty much just waiting for time. The doctor did say though that as long as Baby shows that he/she is comfy, we'll just leave him/her inside... after all, Baby is a human too! Baby was rather naughty yesterday though... mischievous, I would say.... we were monitoring the heartbeat again, and Baby chose to play a game of hide-and-seek with us... so half the time was spent trying to find the heartbeat again! It's funny how Baby managed to do that despite having so very little space in my tummy!Hmmm... OTC is this weekend. I wonder how the kids will fare. Though Darling and myself are not directly in the picture, which feels really weird by the way... yet, we'll probably still stop by just to check things out. Somehow, there's never been a camp in which we both didn't participate, whether directly or indirectly. And much as we wanna let go... yet certain things don't seem to be done in the way we'd prefer it. But well, since we've already chosen to let go.... there's only so much we can do or say. =)I just hope the kids gain what they need to gain out of this camp. It's less than 3 months to the end of our time. The future, though seemingly uncertain.... yet, I somehow see the end, the possibility of the outcome... and I must say that I ain't too optimistic about it. Not that I see the end of Legion coming... it probably won't... not this soon.... I'm more worried about the legacy that the few of us have wanted to leave behind... Darling, Nigel and me came from the same era.... the rest came a little while later..... in the 11 years we've been around... there hasn't been much changes in the way Legion is run... the way camps are done.... I fear that all these would disappear after we're gone and the new generation takes over... simply because they aren't as certain or clear of what they want. I do agree that change is always necessary in any organization. It's only then that there will be growth. The leaders must always be open to suggestions and new ideas. Things can't stay the same forever. Yet it's important to remember how it all began, what's important to the ministry, and what made it work all along. And from there, search for the balance, and use what's best for the members........ Yet, like I always say, It's all in God's hands......I just hope our kids stay firm to what makes us who we are... To not sway to the opinions of others who have no better idea.....And to keep what makes us special.............To keep the legacy that we've fought so hard to keep all these years.......
1:21 PM
Saturday, March 07, 2009
These last 3 days have been bad.Sigh.I have no appetite to eat anything at all. Not craving for anything, don't feel like putting anything in my mouth. And when I finally do eat, I feel like puking. It sucks. And my mum keeps reminding me that I've to eat cos I'm pregnant. I know I am. But I can't help it if Baby is causing me to not want to eat. It's not like I'm dieting or anything.... Ah well.......I can't fall asleep either. I think I'm suffering from insomnia. Really really sleepy. But I just can't fall asleep. And when I do fall asleep, I awaken super easily. I'm just thankful that I'm not teaching right now, or both me and the kids would be suffering. As a result of the lack of sleep, I have a constant headache, And I get super emotional. But I don't know what to do about it. When I get real frustrated coz I can't sleep, I wake poor Darling up..... And that's the only way I manage to sleep in the end, On his arm/chest. You'll probably be asking, "Why don't you just go to sleep like that in the first place?"Well, it ain't that easy.....coz he'll end up getting cramps in his arm from the position. Secondly, he likes to sleep on his side....so when I do sleep like that, he's uncomfortable too.
So I try to do it only when I really can't put myself to sleep. For those of you who are wondering, Darling is getting better. He's out playing soccer now, even though he shouldn't be exercising considering that his chest is congested. But I believe he knows his own limits. And it's been a year or so since he played soccer, and it's something he enjoys. How possible is it for him to do so in a carefree manner after baby is born? I decided to let him go anyway.....On a lighter note, his 2 day MC has allowed us to spend some quality time together. I really appreciate it.Hmmm.......Baby has been acting up lately. I'm not sure if what I experienced two nights ago was only a kickstart to the full experience of contractions. No one seems to be able to fully describe to me how it feels. It sucks to know I'll be experiencing it and that that is usually the one that tells you you're in labour, and yet, not know exactly how it feels. All my friends who've just delivered have been induced..... meaning, it wasn't exactly unplanned, if you know what I mean. By the way, for the record, only 11% of all pregnant women ever experience their water bag bursting before they reach the hospital. So all those nonsense drama we see on TV is unreal.Anyway, the other night, it was real bad. Not a sharp pain kind of bad, which is good, coz I can "tahan" this kinda pain better than sharp ones. My whole spine felt like it was cramping up.....All my leg muscles felt weak and strengthless.......Baby felt like he/she was moving downwards.......so my whole stomach was hurting.....And in addition to that, Baby was kicking in all directions, so it felt like my stomach was being pulled in all 4 corners. I cried coz I didn't know how to ease the pain. But they were silent tears. If it's gonna be this bad, I'm kinda thankful. Coz I know I'd probably kill something if it were sharp pain instead. But then again..... I guess I wouldn't know until the time comes, would I?*shrugs*Ah.... random post once again.Can't be helped. I just woke up. Shall go rack my brains on what to eat for breakfast/brunch/lunch......
12:21 PM
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Once again, we're back from yet another check up.Today, we heard Baby's heartbeat for the very first time. I'd always known that babies had a faster heartbeat, but I never could imagine how fast it sounded..... it was quite amazing! =) Baby had an average heart rate of 150-170 beats per minute. =)Only problem with this whole thing was that it lasted for 30 minutes, and we'll hav to do it again next week. As I was lying flat on my back, it got quite uncomfortable less than 10 minutes into the monitoring. Darling is also down with a viral flu, so we both almost fell asleep listening to Baby's heartbeat! I can imagine Baby's indignance at the fact that both his/her parents almost fell asleep whilst monitoring him/her! =pAnyway, this was to give Doctor an idea of how regular Baby's heartbeat is, as well as to check my womb has started contracting. Despite all the sayings of how I'd most likely be early, yet today, it didn't show in any sense. Baby has a regular heartbeat, and I didn't have any contractions today. I'm now at an unimaginable weight of 73.1kg, but thankfully, all the weight gain in the last 2 weeks have definitely gone to Baby! Baby's now at an estimated weight of 3kg, and with 2 more weeks to go before we hit the due date, I seriously have no idea how much more weight Baby will put on!Today has been quite a rough day though. Both today and yesterday, i didn't have much appetite, and today, I'm constantly feeling like I'm gonna puke. Sigh.......... I'm tiring super easily too. Can't seem to walk for very far before I start feeling tired and breathless. Today, just a short walk up a flight of stairs on the overhead bridge made me feel like crap........ I guess it's all the weight I'm carrying. Hmmmm.... I hope I get my appetite back soon.... Been difficult to fall asleep lately too. Take close to an hour to truly fall asleep, and if I do wake up, it takes a while before I sleep again. My tailbone hurts badly, and my tummy's itching a lot... Darling says it's definitely cos Baby is growing fast and stretching my skin to its very max.......Hmmm... I hope Darling's virus goes away soon....the last time he had this was just before the camp last year..... and he was ill for more than a week with fluctuating fever and all......... then I was only 4 or 5 months, and could still take care of him properly....now, I can't even take care of myself...... in addition to the fact that Baby may arrive anytime soon, he really needs to recover super quickly, or he won't be able to carry Baby!
5:44 PM
Monday, March 02, 2009
Working without a dream is treacherous.
Dreaming without working will always leave it a dream.I'm scarily melancholic and deep in thought these days. I also happen to relish time with Darling more and more. The fear of losing our freedom is really getting to me. At the same time though, I can't wait for Baby to arrive. Neither can Darling. It's not only the anxiety of wanting to see the being that's been lovingly created and nurtured in the last 9 months, but also the want to spend more time with Baby before I have to start work once more.Many people want to exclusively spend the first year with their Babies....how many have that kind of luxury? I wish I did. Did you know my ultimate dream in life is to be a housewife? Now you do....Which is why I keep questioning the occurrences in my life together with my dreams. But God has His plans, and I have to stick to them. I do want to be the kind of Mummy and wife that's there for the family.... after all, I am a workaholic.......But, I know I'll manage and survive. Busy working on the invitation cards for Baby's first month. It's a lot of work. But it does save the cash......And well, it keeps me from being ever so bored. Being pregnant gives you weird dreams. I'm serious. I get weird people appearing in my dreams....people whom I rarely think about. Having them appear is one thing. They do weird unspeakable things in my dreams. *shudders*Thank God dreams are not real. But the memories of the dreams are..... and they haunt my mind during the day......Ah well..... super random post.... this is what happens when you have too much time on your hands, and nothing you can do about it. There's so much housework waiting for me......but none I can tackle due to Darling and Mummy's nagging that I ought to be resting...... *rolls eyes*Didn't our grannies survive just the same, doing housework when they were pregnant and stuff?Anxiety for labour day scares me. Fear of the healing process after labour scares me even more. But what scares me most is learning to be responsible for a whole new life.... A life that I have to be responsible for, for the rest of my life.Yet, I can't help but still wonder, "Baby, when are you coming out?"
12:58 PM
Sunday, March 01, 2009
4:11 PM
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