One of my cooperating teachers just gave me a fantastic book. I am so hooked on to it, I am planning to find the rest of the books written by the same author.
The author is Torey Hayden, and she specializes in special education for children. All her books are based on true instances, and they are frighteningly real.
The title of the book given to me is One Child, and it's about a little girl who was abandoned on the highway by her mother. This girl has suffered so much violence in her life, that she is no longer perceived as normal. Yet her intelligence is amazing, for she has an IQ of 182, which means she can do work of 12 year olds at the age of 6. Yet, because of her behavioural problems due to the lack of a proper upbringing, the state had almost reduced her into entering their state hospital, what I translated to mean as something like an asylum. So the entire story was about the fight to save this little girl.
The children in the class of this teacher are all with learning disabilities/physical or mental handicap. She had a class of 9 such children.
She amazes me, for it sure isn't easy to look after 1, let alone 9, and to teach them all.
Her love for these children is so strong, and her persistance, patience and endurance are largely commendable. Such are the ones who really have the passion and the love for the children.
I was given this book by my CT because of this girl that is infamous in my school. She poses a problem to many of the teachers, is disruptive in class, and behaviour wise, can be quite difficult. Yet, the story behind this child is very sad. She had an abusive father; and later on, both parents died of cancer, leaving her and her 3 siblings behind. Yet, they are all staying in different homes right now.
With such a background, who can blame her for acting in this manner?
Yet, it is with such children that we need to show even more love and care, and to be even more patient with them, for all they are looking for, is love.
11:17 AM
Thursday, July 24, 2008
hmmm...... this week has been amazing....... really........ as time goes by, i'm convinced this is what I was meant to do.
Teaching is a job i'm cut out for.........
Not that I'm saying I'm great at it.....but how fulfilling it is.........
All those "complaints" I had about staying up late? Seriously, I think it's all worth it when you see how much the students enjoy their lessons. I don't mind wrecking my brain cells, killing a million of them just to ensure that they have a lesson in which they are able to bring home something more than just information they are supposed to learn from the textbook. That's what teaching is all about. It sure ain't all about the good grades only, but the all-round education, and seeing how much they appreciate it all at the end of the day, is beyond words.
It has only been 5 weeks with this bunch of girls, and yet I feel I've bonded with them so closely already. I may not have touched all their hearts, but it feels good enough to know that I've touched the hearts of those who have not been popular all this while.......to know that the ones who never raised their hands before, are now the ones who raise their hands every once in a while just to try to attempt answering the questions I raise........to see the ones who tried to disrupt lessons and not bother about what the teacher is saying change into the ones who now try a little harder to listen, who welcome my lessons, and to give me a smile and a shout whenever they see me.
These are the things that make me smile.
These are the things that make me feel that this is all worthwhile.
These are the things that make me want to give a little more to them.
Some teachers have shared that teaching girls is a little harder than teaching boys because girls tend to hold grudges slightly more than boys do. I do not disagree. Yet, I also feel that if we do care enough, and if we do our part to show them that we do care, and that it is not out of anger at them as a person that we are scolding them, they learn even more from us, from the fact that they learn that it is the action that is being reprimanded, and not the person, and through this, they learn to be a better person, who thinks before she acts.
I have not been a pushover in class so far. In fact, I do try my very best to uphold discipline. People who know me in Legion know that to be true of me, for I am the disciplinarian in our little ministry. I may not be as loud in class, but I sure am harder in class. And though the fun and caring side of me is portrayed more often than not, yet, they know better than to cross the line. And this is where I feel I've bonded with the class.
5 of them came together to bake me a cake as a farewell gift. That is so amazingly sweet. I didn't know what to say.
Each time they see me in school, they scream my name as if they've never seen me before. They wave frantically for my attention, even when I am going to the hall to collect them to do their corrections. They amaze me.....truly. I never expected this kind of impact on them. Not in 5 weeks.
And i'm also aware that another bunch of them are frantically folding stars for me, hoping to complete something to give to me before I leave. And they are so eager about it, telling me each day that they have a surprise for me. I can't help but smile.
Seriously, is teaching far worse than my previous job?
I really do not think so.
The rewards are endless. The joy you get through the children is amazing. It's an undescribable feeling when you see the light in their eyes.
This is something I could never get from my previous job. And this is what is making me more convinced that this is what I'm cut out for...............
On another note.......
Just watched Dark Knight with Darling and Angela.
Extremely fantastic show. Totally worth the money for action, plot, acting, and everything else.
Going deeper into the storyline, it's about what is truly moral, what justice really is.....how human we really are............. how two-faced we all can be, because when the chips are off, which side will you go for? How noble are you going to be?
When faced off with a decision in which you choose to save yourself or to save others, which one would you choose?
When your loved one is stolen right before your eyes, and there was nothing you could do about it, what would you become?
How truly strong is the human spirit?
These are questions that this movie makes you ask yourself whilst being entertaining and totally intriguing.
Excellent show, and a totally must-watch.
11:40 PM
Monday, July 21, 2008
It's Angela's 21st today......
We celebrated her birthday yesterday........
Boy does she owe Robin and me a great great deal!! haha...... we were like her slaves for the day....
i swear, if one more person we know wants to decor their event/party themselves, yet choose not to ask darling and me for ideas, and later on, on the day of the event itself, tell us they need our help, I will scream and kick that person real hard...........
She, of all people made that grave mistake, and what happens? Pet and Robin end up having to think of how to decorate her party with less than 2 hours to go. Sheesh.....I almost died man.....
It sure don't help that White Sands has limited shops! We ended up spending a bomb on a balloon bouquet, whose helium is useless after a day....sighz...... but oh well, at least they made it through the night......
haha...please don't get me wrong. i'm not pissed.......i'm just rolling my eyes and smiling as i'm writing this.....coz anyone who knows angela would know how typical this is of her! =D
But oh well, the place looked fine in the end.
I have to say though, the star of the show is definitely the cake! haha.....of course it is......it cost us a bomb! I think she appreciated that present the most!!! well, 'nuff said........let the pictures do the talking!!!!
the absolutely gorgeous cake.....haha...her favourite, Strawberry Shortcake, with a chocolate cinderella shoe, a handbag with her initials, and lots of pearls.....
us Legionaries, whom she can't live without.....
how could we let her go by without some cake on her face!!!
10:47 PM
Saturday, July 19, 2008
well well.....
i'm 1 week away from completing my 1st practicum @ SACPS.....it's been great so far...and am enjoying myself thoroughly with the students there. Bonding really well with them, and i'm really enjoying planning interesting and different lessons for them everyday...... much as it's extremely hard work on my part, lots of brain cells dying, sleeping late everyday while thinking, yet, seeing them enjoy their lessons is something that makes it all worthwhile......seeing that light in their eyes when they discover something new, seeing the joy on their faces when they've achieved something, that's just so rewarding.
it feels like i'm gonna be with them for the rest of the year.....but...sighz...sadly, i've to leave by Friday..... really really hope that i'm coming back next year, and that I'd be able to teach them again... =)
anywayz......planning for the camp is underway...this in addition to the prep for the retreat can get quite overwhelming.....i'm just hoping to be able to spend more time working with all these once i finish my last week of practicum.....
ah...my thoughts are all jumbled in my head, coz it's been more than a week since my last post.... i'm still seething about what i wrote in my last entry........but i shan't spoil my mood about such things, coz they're simply not worth my time. really. i have far better things to do. such things just convince me that my time back here is but temporary. as someone once told me, sometimes, we can't stay in one place for too long. when our time is up, it is up. we have to move on, and find another way to do His work. Much as such work should be voluntary and done out of love, yet, sad to say, human politics and emotion always get in the way, and at the end of the day, the one reason why we began working for God is all wrong. I think it's important that every once in a while we take a time out to take stock of our emotions and the reason why we're doing what we do.
busy baking right now, coz i want to give my students a little something before i go off. I also need to give my cooperating teachers a 'thank you' for all their patience, guidance and help..... of course, i'd need to give something to my ex-teachers too.....=) simply love the community here....i think nothing can beat the family feel at SACPS....... and that's why i wanna come back....
1:32 PM
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
I AM PISSED.
PISSED IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.
I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS ANGRY FOR REALLY REALLY REALLY LONG.
TRUST ME, YOU WON'T EVEN WANT TO COME NEAR ME NOW.
i really really really hate my senior presidium.
they just voted me for secretary.
and the point is, they didn't even give me the chance to reject the post.
6 names came up after the first round of voting. Out of which, 3 had the highest votes.
my name was included.
they asked the first one if she had anything to say to rally for votes or watever. she said no. the second had commented earlier on a voting for a previous post. I WAS BUSY TEARING PAPER FOR THEM TO WRITE ON. they assumed i've nothing to say EVERYONE WROTE NUMBERS FOR THE 3 CHOSEN BEFORE i could even say anything. the vote was final. i got chosen.
i protested.... purely coz i really have no time. any of you in the junior legion know why. i have far too much on my plate right now. i am already a curia officer of the youth group. which means i ALREADY have to attend city district senior curia.
this in addition to attending jnr curia's officer's meetings. this in addition to planning camps, retreats, outings, events.
and the most important part??!!!!! JUNIOR CURIA IS ON THE SAME DAY AS EAST DISTRICT SENIOR CURIA! the latter of which I HAVE to attend if i were secretary or any other post in my presidium!
guess what my protest came to? they didn't even LISTEN they brushed me off. and listen to their reasons for brushing me off. "oh, you can come for our mtg first for awhile, then go over. or better still, u can attend it alternately."
shit. don't they even know that the junior legion is the only reason i'm still serving here? that it's the only reason i'm putting up with their crap? that i don't even bother listening during this presidium meeting coz it's SO SHALLOW and meaningless? coz all they do is try hard to be deep , but out of the whole group, less than 2 of them are really deep ppl???!!!
i know i'm supposed to answer God's will. something told me while i was boilling in anger that He has His reasons. I wanted to agree. I wanted to listen I wanted to follow.
but i know i can't. i don't want to t more things on my plate. any one of you working with those senior ppl know wat they're like. "oh you're young. you can do it. you're his daughter, i'm sure you can!" just *********
and stupid endangered animal elected as the biggest one, can tell me he's stuck in between. can't help me. oh pls. because u don't want to make urself look bad
i dunnoe la this is shit
if i had gotten a chance to just voice my views, and pple still want to vote for me, i have nothing to say. but i didn't even get a bloody chance and no one cares. shit
they are all shit.
they just ruined my whole bloody day.
i was on a high when school ended coz my last lesson went well. i was happy. even though i have compos to mark even though i have a bundle of exercises to mark even though i have to rewrite today's lesson plans + reflections. even though i have to write tomorrow's lesson plans. even though all these have to be done before i reach school tomorrow at 8.30. even though i knew i would only get to reach home at 10 to start doing. even though my first lesson with my P3s didn't go as well as i'd planned.
i was really happy.
but they had to spoil it.
i'm really really pissed. really really frustrated right now.
and darling reminded me how i should not take on too much on my shoulder because the reflections in this week's bulletin was, not to take on more responsibility than what God has given to us. purely coz we have to take care of ourselves first, before we can give to others. and this is perfectly the reason why i should not and must not take up this post.
i firmly believe in this: if you want to give, give your best. if not, give nothing at all. if you've worked with me, u know my style. i expect 100% or else, don't even volunteer urself for the job. my point now is this. i am already giving 100%. i can give no more. this ministry is the reason i didn't join to be a cathecist in the first place. because i would rather 1 suffer, than both to suffer. and i'm telling you, if they won't even hear me out, and let there be a revote, they will not even receive a single percent from me. not because i'm selfish. but, i value my life, i value my time, i value my relationship with God. I can give, but there's only so much i can give.
that's all i have to say.
10:02 PM
Monday, July 07, 2008
well well well.....Darling has not been feeling well since Friday....his stomach is acting up real bad.....sighz.... his stomach feels like it's churning, he's hungry almost every hour, can't stand the smell / sight of oily food, stomach has pains every now and then....seriously, if he weren't male, i'd think he was pregnant! *sorry...inappropriate joke*..... so yup...... brought him to see the doc near church today, and he's so super sucky....seriously....he's good if u need an urgent MC, but sucks if u need a real doctor's opinion! He talked much much more than Darling could to tell him about his opinion..... and he made his own assumptions. really really irritating....darling doesn't feel any better even after seeing him........ sighz...told him to go see another odc if he still doesnt' get better by tomorrow.....
so......
we had originally planned to go to the beach today since he was already scheduled an off, and it's a Youth Day Holiday today......but..... due to his condition, plus the fact that the weather didn't seem to be looking too good, we decided to go watch Wanted........
Super great show.....don't regret the money spent at all....... action packed from the start to the end, and we were kept on our toes throughout......angelina jolie is seriously good at what she does....action flicks, and looking seriously hot and sexy doing all her stunts! I like how the twist came about....and it had some great meaning hidden into the story......
There's no way we can ever wield power into our own hands, because at the end of the day, we'll get our own justice paid to us, all because we need to keep the power in balance....and no matter what religion we believe in, but there is an Almighty Being up there......and, well, u'll get your own justice paid to you in due course.....
haha...am i always looking too deep into stories? I hope not........ heee..... my friend told me not to watch Hancock...so I don't think i will.....waiting for The Dark Knight and Mummy 3........
argh....tomorrow's the first day i officially start teaching my kids for a while....kinda scary seriously....just hope i don't screw up........each time i think about having to start teaching, my heart starts pumping super super fast, my hands go numb, i feel super anxious, and I feel like i can't breathe.....it's weird....i never felt this way when I was doing my Contract Teaching at Opera......I dunno why i'm feeling it now.......is it coz the girls here are more challenging? Or is it coz Iknow i'm gonna be watched and assessed throughout the entire time i'm teaching, probably for a super tiny mistake or flaw? sheesh...whatever it is.....i just hope i hold up, and that my "anxiety attacks" go away as I get used to it gradually......3 more weeks, and i'll be a student again........
till then.....i just hope darling gets better soon.........
11:58 PM
Saturday, July 05, 2008
one week since I blogged.
haven't had time nor inspiration to sit down and write anything, coz my mind is filled up with endless amount of things. have been very very tired lately, pulling myself out of bed each morning coz i've to go to work.....and do housework prior to that........
the whole first half of this week has been taken up with Legion stuff...and the rest of ALL my weekends in July are already filled with Legion stuff yet again. It's madness..... I feel like i'm driving myself nuts...and we haven't even started planning for JXY yet....by that time....sighz.....i think every single weekend until the camp is over will be packed....so many things to consider...it seems like the officers aren't meeting up enough coz there's so much to discuss, decide and plan!!! *pulls hair*
it doesn't help that so much is expected from work either.......yet, I must say that I'm having lots of fun with the girls. Interacting with them on a daily basis is really really great......bumped into Rachel's sister twice already......the girls are really interesting, and am enjoying each day with them......am starting to co-teach next week though..so it's gonna be kinda scary, especially the fear that I'm not doing well enough!
spent like 2 hours listening to Darling's grandma today...and she shared so so so much....I'm like her only listening ear, so once she starts talking to me, it usually lasts for like forever......... she shared stories of the past, showed me all her sarong kebayas and accessories......showed me all the old coins she kept from last time......and they're REALLY old....dating as far back as 1927!!! can u imagine that?? it's insane la......planning to give them a good shine, use during history/social studies lessons, and sell some........ it's from the time when we were still part of the Straits Settlements! History buffs, u know how long ago that is!!! She also shared old wives' tales of how silver is good to help reduce wind.......and etc..... much as i appreciate them, I kinda fear that she's telling me all these so that if anything happens to her, i'll know where to find these things, and what to do with them............ sighz....i'm far closer to her than to any of my own grandmothers......it's quite weird...but i guess this is what you call fate........ =)
hmmm.......tomorrow's a full day of housework and schoolwork.....after which, i'll have to prep for legion stuff again......
12:28 AM
Life is Beautiful
I love you not only for what you are
but for what you make of me.
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