it's just another lonely sunday evening after i sent my darling off to camp...sighz...i totally hate this feeling you know? everytime i say goodbye to him on sunday, i feel like i lost a part of myself all over again...whilst i know that this parting is only temporary, and that it's necessary for us to be able to fulfill our dreams of getting married as soon as possible, yet, i wish that the pain of saying goodbye didn't feel so raw every single weekend......on the other hand though, it just reminds me of how much i can't live without him, coz the minute i can get used to life without him, it means that i don't really need him in my life anymore.
anyway, i've finally completed my stint at Peperoni...the time there was fun and great, and i truly made some interesting friends. However, the time has come for me to face my worst nightmare. The area chef, Paul, has insisted that i go to Sebastien's, because they are shorthanded. Somehow i feel that my presence there only makes it possible for them to have more people to do the rubbish for them, coz of the way he throws me around to any kitchen that is short of pple...so yup. He insisted that there's nothing i could learn from the production kitchen, and thus, wants me to go to Sebastien's for 2 weeks, starting tmr, before going to Coq n Bull for another 2 weeks. I tell you, the feeling i got when i found that out was crazy. I felt so horrible, and he'd so totally spoilt my day and all.... sighz. I really dunnoe what to expect tmr, and although everyone's telling me that 2 weeks will pass very fast, i can't help but remember the ordeal i went through just one month ago.....and if it was so difficult to live past a day, i do not dare to imagine 2 weeks. I can only pray hard and hope for the very very best...
Anyway, on a lighter note, yup, on the day darling booked out, his parents came to fetch me with him....and we went for supper at a 24-hour coffeeshop at Macpherson...we had some dim-sum, and it was really good, and yup, we told his parents about our plans to settle down in another 3 years if everything goes according to planned. Whilst his mum didn't say anything, his dad had seemed a little bit shocked. i guess that whilst he'd expected us to settle down sooner or later, he hadn't expected us to have planned for it so soon. He did advise us that even if we did wanna settle down, we shouldn't give up the "paper chase" since paper qualifications are becoming and will continue to gain importance in the years to come. I frankly told him that studying can be done at any age...but to settle down and have children, that MUST be done as early as possible, because i'm a supporter of having children early since i don't wanna have a HUGE generation gap with them, and at the same time, i don't wanna have to continue worrying abt their studies and stuff even when i'm in my late 40s. By then, i'd truly wanna enjoy time with my darling....i feel that even after we've settled down and gotten our home and stuff, and are living quite comfortably, we could like have our kids, and at the same time, set aside some money, and maybe even do like part-time courses and stuff.....his parents totally agreed with me. =) so yup, since both sides of our parents have no objections and all, i guess it's all down to the financial stuff that we've to worry abt. I'm really praying he gets to OCS, so that our path may be smoother....on the other hand though, even if he gets to SISPEC, it may not be that bad after all. Sighz...we'll just leave everything to God and let Him decide for us. After all, we can only do our best, and pray hard, and let Him do everything else.... =) Seriously though, when it comes to finances, i'm only worried abt the house....the wedding can be simple and all, coz to me, all that's important is that my home is done up the way we want it, coz we'll be living in it for quite some time....and if possible, i'd love the church wedding to be done the wy we've dreamt of, coz we'd be getting married in the eyes of God, so if it could be as perfect as possible, that'd be great. The wedding dinner to darling and myself, is only a formality, so...even if it's simple, it's alright. But, if things don't go as we've planned, i guess, that the decor and stuff for both the church wedding and the dinner can be really simple, because, whilst the wedding may be a once in a lifetime thingy, in the end, it's purely because i wanna start a new life with my darling, and thus, all these don't really matter at all. The thought of being happily married with him, and starting a new family with him will make the memories for the life to come even better than if we postponed our wedding for the sake of making our wedding more beautiful. =)
yes, i know. i'm rambling...but if u knew me well enough, you'd know how much i've been dreaming of this whole thing....in fact, if not for the lack of time that darling and myself had today, we would be planning for the whole thing like today. seriously, i guess the only driving power within myself to work is the thought of being able to fulfill my dreams earlier....for the next 3 years at least, i know i'll turn into a workaholic, so that i can earn as much money as possible...hopefully darling's able to get a good paying job that's also stable so that i can fulfill my childhood dream of being a homemaker as well...i really wanna stay at home, clean up the house, look after the kids and prepare nice food for him and the children when they get home...but all that's in the future. All that matters is that we can achieve all that we're planning for ASAP.... if only fortune can fall upon us now....i'll so get married immediately.......hehe
anyway, enough about all that marriage talk. yesterday, darling, his parents, and myself went to catch the midnight screening of The Island. initially i didn't wanna watch it coz i was worried that the show would be a no-brainer...but, the whole synopsis that i read abt on the newspaper made it sound really interesting, so yup, decided to watch it yesterday, and it was really good....i think the story plot is so good. There's so much depth in it and all, and if u really read into the details, there's a lot of areas that has deeper meaning than what is presented. The whole thing about how the doctor views these clones as products, and the whole way that they are created, brings us to all the pro-abortion views and how the foetus has no soul and all.....the way they tried to destroy all the "spoilt products" due to the fact that the creation process allowed them to have memories that belonged to the humans they were created from was exactly the way the Nazis killed the Jews in WWII....the way the products were brainwashed to be like children of 15 year olds without any idea of sex, love, hate, anger, etc reminds me of how a government can make the entire country think the way they want them to, simply by enclosing them in a space, and controlling everything they've ever known and will ever know. there's so much more, but these 3 are the points taht intrigue me the most...i really find it a very good show, and the way it can be linked to the Gothic theme in Literature makes it a really good film for all Lit students to catch.... =) anyway, i'm gonna go off now...it's been a really long post this time.....just another week without darling.....and he'll only be out on the following monday, since tuesday's national day and all..i just hope the week ahead will be far better than i've expected........
darling...hope our dreams will be fulfilled asap....i miss you so....come back quick, so that i can feel whole again...
10:43 PM
Life is Beautiful
I love you not only for what you are
but for what you make of me.
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