♥ Eternity

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

January 31, 2007

Can you believe it? It's already the end of January!!!!!!! The days are just zooming past me, i tell you......And already I'm trying to plan for my lessons until the end of February.....and.....now that I'm thinking of it....it's scary...and almost unbelievable.....in just 10 plus months time...I'll be married??!! I know I've been talking non-stop about it....but....just to say it..and to realise that it's just around the corner makes it so so so surreal.....

hmm....Darling's on duty again.....and..it's sucky....the house is just so quiet coz my mum is resting and my dad went out.......so weird....it's rare that the house is so so quiet....I'm so not used to it.....hmmm...and Darling is so so busy at the moment....I can't talk to him....sighz...he's been so absolutely wonderful this entire time that I've been sick....he's taken such good care of me, making sure all my needs were met...and never once complained...even when I was being super unreasonable....sometimes, I really wonder how he puts up with my nonsense...... I'm just amazed by him.....and I guess it's what makes me even more sure that he's the man that I want to marry! =)

sighz...lost my temper again today in class coz my China kids just wouldn't listen....I really don't know what to do sometimes.....and I wonder if it is just me, or them.....my colleague offered to come in to take a look at how i handle my class so that she could give me some advice, but I don't know if i'm ready for it....I'm too afraid to be told that I'm not doing a good job........sighz....and...it's funny..though i've been working for less than 5 weeks, it feels like i've been doing this for so so long.....and my previous job as a chef seems so far away..so distant....even though it was only a couple of months ago.......*shrugs*

hmm....i miss my darling....just wish he could be right here with me now......

9:12 PM

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

30 January 2007

This is bad. My tummy has been in pain for the last 5 days. It hasn't stopped being in pain. I skipped school yesterday coz I was in too great a pain....it hurt real bad...... finally pulled myself to see a doc...and I tell you.....after this time, I swear never to go back to a polyclinic again unless i have to....so what if I get faster privileges coz I'm a blood donor...and it's free of charge........they changed the whole system...and now I wait far longer..and the doctors there really suck. Probably coz they see too many patients, they really don't give two hoots about you and what is wrong with you. And i waited for like forever to get my medicine.....sighz.

anywayz.....ya....right now, my tummy's pain is lessening a little...but it's still there...it's an ongoing pain...it's just how intense it is...i think my stomach is really trying to make me suffer for all the nonsense I've been giving it....and I guess I don't blame it for treating me in this way........

felt bad for not going to school yesterday coz 7 teachers were on MC....and my poor kids had like 3-4 different relief teachers coming in.....and I don't think they managed to do anything with them....so..even though I hurt this morning...i went to school...but....sighz...after 5 min with them, I regretted it a little. I don't know if it's coz i'm in discomfort that I'm more irritable...or if it is them....sighz..they really got on my nerves today.....it's super duper extreme...and they hit my max today...i couldn't stop screaming at them coz they were so impossible.....i screamed till my throat hurts....sighz......i almost cried twice coz i was hurting..and still...they were in their own little world.......but of course, there were a few sweet ones who made get well cards for me.....sighz..this is why I say kids really make you love them and hate them sometimes!!! :/

ahh well..there's tonnes to do....coz all the paperwork is so messy.....sighz.... i think i'll go do them now..just hope my stomach gets better soon!

4:08 PM

Sunday, January 28, 2007

January 28 2007

I have officially turned 22. It feels weird, almost old....to say that I am 22. haha.

sighz...I am not feeling very well.....stomach's been feeling weird the last couple of days, ever since my birthday. Darling planned a surprise for me with my friends.....which kinda botched up coz Angela answered the phone when I called home..haha....it's so her...but oh well, it was really sweet of them. Darling made me a very nice present too.....i love it so...and the bag that Angela, Nigel, Sheena and Winson shared for me is just perfect.....I think I'll start carrying it to school soon..hehe....Mummy got me 2 really nice polo tees coz I've to keep wearing them now that I am teaching PE from Tues-Fri, and I really love them..... =) We had dinner at Billy Bombers that night..and we stuffed ourselves silly....and coz I haven't been eating right lately, yup...my stomach has been suffering the effects ever since.... it sucks.....i seem to have gastritis, bloatedness, indigestion and a bout of my stomach churning all rolled into one....sheesh...and coz of that, I end up very irritable...and i can't sleep either.......i just hope i get better, or I really won't know how to teach tomorrow.....

spent yesterday morning with my parents, a belated celebration......then darling and me spent the whole day just lazing at home....it feels good, the weekends.....coz i try as hard as possible to throw all my thoughts about work away...but of course, i'm usually unsuccessful coz there's so much planning to be done......

hmmm....school's been alright....just lots and lots of stuff to do......killing myself teaching them sometimes...but....it's all great.....it's just part and parcel of the job.....hm...went to buy CNY decor for my class today...managed to get quite some stuff for $10....so i'm quite satisfied...have to get my kids to contribute too..... hehe....

k lah...i feel very lost at the moment.....kinda disoriented coz my stomach's really feeling quite lousy.......am really hoping i'll get better.....will post photos of my birthday pressies soon.....

6:05 PM

Friday, January 19, 2007

Friday, January 19th 2007

Another week has passed.....it is now Semester 1, Term 1, Week 4. Am feeling super tired, mentally and physically. Often spend my PE periods running with the kids, and hence, often feel exhausted by the end of the day....this is especially so for Wed-Fri, coz I have like 3-4 periods of PE each day....

This week I truly learnt a lot....about patience, and to not ask too much of myself and the kids. It's just so hard sometimes, especially with the foreigners coz they just don't seem to understand what I am saying. And even when they do, it doesn't usually translate to them being able to do their work, coz their command of English is just so weak.....and the extremes of the class are really so far apart. I gave my kids their first revision test for math, and it seems, through the scores, that all of them passed, and half of them scored about 80%. Though it's heartening to see such results, but, I wonder if it is because I guided them through here and there.......but..oh well, I shan't think too much....after all, it's their first one...and I believe they also aren't used to it.

I just love my kids so much even though they get on my nerves so terribly sometimes.... =)

Hmm....tomorrow's gonna be quite a long day, coz gonna spend some time with Darling and our friends....pretty much the whole day is taken up....but...I guess it's also time for me to relax....one more week till my birthday....feels so odd to be 22.....haha.....

seldom feel like blogging these days...and even when i do, i just don't know what to write....i guess it's coz i'm planning so much for my everyday, that all my brain cells are used up by the time I have any free time to write....though this job takes up far more time and mental activity than being a cook, but, at the end of the day, i really do have much more time with my darling than I used to. And, ultimately, everyday is a new and different day....no matter how much you plan, you still need to be ready for things to happen beyond your control...and that's the beauty of the job.....no two days are ever the same.....coz the kids react differently every single day.....and hence, we always need to be kept on our toes, to make every minute of our time and their time worthwhile......

oh well...shall go off to bed now...really need to sleep before i go crazy............

11:59 PM

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Sunday, January 14 2007

I'm feeling blue.

I'm feeling small...

I'm feeling lonely.....

i miss you

darling...

life just loses meaning without you around....

even though you've only been gone for 12 hours, but it feels like an eternity.
i can't function without you...you're the reason i'm living my life with so much hope and dreams.

darling...

though i had a nice time with russell, but...something just seemed to be missing.....something just didn't seem right.....and i know it's because i know i'm gonna come home to an empty house... i'm gonna be all alone tonight.....

cold.

i'm gonna be without my darling...and that's not nice at all. a whole chunk of me is missing...and i feel absolutely lost. I can't even pull myself to do all the things i know i need to be doing....becoz it's just not right. I don't function right without you at all....

i want to hug you and be hugged.

i want to love you and be loved.

i want to cuddle up next to you in bed.

i want to hold your hand.

i want to feel your arm around my waist.

i miss you......

come back home quick,

for i'm lost without you......

7:37 PM

Sunday, January 14th 2007

Sundays are supposed to be good days.....and..i guess that ultimately, it will be.....it just feels sucky right now coz Darling has gone off for duty...and I'm stuck alone.....though i do crave for alone time once in a while, but i guess that whether i want alone time or not, i just wish that he'd be right here with me all the time......coz only then do i feel secure....only then do i feel safe.....

Will be going for Curia later, and then, will meet Russell after....it's been ages since i last had a chance to really talk to him......and the last time I saw him was like on Christmas!! Man..it really seems so so so long.....It's funny how we're still close friends...i mean, I believe that for the both of us, we have each found other pple with whom we may be closer to....yet not once have we given up on this friendship of ours, and every time we meet up, it's like, not once was there separation....I just love friendships like that....for it's only then that you know that the other person will truly be there for you.....coz neither of us ever expect anything out of the other person....ever......so..i guess that's what makes it beautiful... =)

hmm...it has been a nice weekend....feels so good to know that I am free...hahaha...it's a long way away from what I am used to...slogging my guts out every single day in the hot kitchen without ever caring what day it was, because the only meaning of the days would be when it was going to be more busy.....and every time we listened to the radio and they go on and on about how the weekend's coming, and so on...it just didn't make sense..coz to us, there was no weekend break.... not that i don't miss the life.....i do....really...when i look into a restaurant's kitchen sometimes, i just think back...and miss the adrenaline rush.....but then again....i know what i am doing now is really for the better of myself and those who love me.

darling and me watched two movies in a span of two days...it's been rather long since we last caught a movie together.......the last one was nativity story with my parents......then, on friday, we went to watch Night at the Museum.....it was good, pure and funny......if only the museums in Singapore were this interesting!! haha...anywayz, it was so coincidental.....after the movie, darling and me came out and bumped into Nigel and Sheena....and we realised that we were sitting only ten seats apart from each other..... so we went back to my place, and hung out for an hour or so at my coffeeshop.....then yesterday, we went to donate blood, Winson, Angela, darling and myself...Nigel came along but couldn't donate coz he was on antibiotics...the poor boy is still sick...but i am not surprised...he's not sleeping at a similar time every night, and he eats and drinks everything he shouldn't be doing! man....he just don't listen! then we went to a warehouse sale....got some stuff for myself to wear to work.....then to Queenstown shopping centre.,... i got really moody there coz it just absolutely sucks to be this short when you're looking for pants!!!! Capris end up as ankle length for me....and pants that i like just ended up sweeping the floor!!! darling ended up getting angry with me coz everybody followed me to queenstown and i just sulked coz I was so upset...but anywayz, we're all good, all 6 of us....so...it's okay... =) then yup, watched Gridiron Gang with nigel and sheena....it's a super good show man......really inspiring... i mean, i know...all inspiring shows seem so cliched....but i guess what made this one even better, is that at the end of the show, when the credits were running, they actually showed footage off a documentary video of the same coach as well as the juveniles featured in the movie, and how he coached them with the exact same words that was used in the movie....and it just made everything just seem more real........ =)

oh well...there'll be much to do when i come back tonight...got to keep the place clean so that when my parents come home from vietnam tmr, my mum wouldn't be nagging about the place!! hehe....k then....got to go get ready to go for curia already......

10:41 AM

Friday, January 12, 2007

Friday 12th January 2007

Hello again....I think it's been super long since I last wrote.... already one week has passed! anywayz, school is alright.....i do get discouraged sometimes coz the kids just don't seem to get it... they just don't seem to listen....but then again, i keep reminding myself that they are kids.... and well, it's just in their nature....

The work load is insane...coz there's reports to write, lessons to plan, class decor to do....and ENDLESS admin to do!!! i just thank God that I have the smallest class in the whole school...i only have like 20 students for now....so...they are like quite easy to handle coz I can pay attention to all of them.....am trying to settle down as quickly as i can.....it's just that...when it comes to discipline, it'll take more....and learning how to teach my kids....that'll be even more!!! hahahah.....

The good thing about this line...man, there's just so much.....time passes so quickly now, that i end up moving faster...thinking faster, planning every single step i'm going to take next...coz now, my time is measured in half-hour blocks..and half hour never seemed as fast as it does now!! hahahah.....in fact, we as teachers sometimes wish that time would pass by more slowly so that we would have more time to rest and prepare for the next lesson... =) even when school finishes and we are marking books, etc, time passes so quickly too......just marking one set of books will take you more than half an hour already! But then, your day passes very easily and very fast. Though you have to bring some paperwork home, but i guess that's just inevitable...

All my Teachers' Prep Programme Coursemates, we're exchanging our thoughts every single day....especially coz sometimes we get so discouraged and so stressed out....and i guess, knowing that you're not standing alone just makes you feel better......My Colleagues at OEPS have been absolutely helpful, and I really appreciate their help......other than a few, the rest have been doing what they can to get me settled in....and we share all our difficulties as well...so it makes the road seem less difficult.......

One thing for sure though, one of my coursemates said this in his email, and it's something that I think it's really good.....and worth thinking about everytime I ask myself, "WHY?" Ultimately, this line has helped me to become a far more patient person....a more conscientious person....it has also made me think of the consequences of my every move, it makes me treasure each moment, learn to love kids even more despite their naughtiness! Helps me be more considerate towards their feelings coz we have to remember that they are facing difficulties too...and most importantly, i'm consciously aware of every single word i say! and thus, amazingly, this entire week of school, not even once have i cursed or sweared! Can u believe that? And I haven't even used Singlish in my class! It just came naturally, like second nature...and i can't help but just be so amazed........

okay then...i wanna go spend some time with my darling now....gonna go catch a movie and have dinner together.........btw...that's another wonderful point....my weekends are FREE!!!! =)

6:45 PM

Sunday, January 07, 2007

January 07, 2007

Isn't that such a nice phrase? I fell in love with it whilst at Mass on Saturday...it's so beautiful, and so meaningful. It's so true. Life can just be so tiring sometimes, and when u just wonder why, just remembering that it's going to be worth it at the end of it all, just makes everything seem so much easier.... =)

I've just returned from our Officers' Training Camp for the whole weekend. Well, turnout was expected, and I guess we all grew closer through the camp, coz it was such a small group and all, and I guess everybody learned something new or another.....my recons session was good, I made many people cry..haha...may sound sadistic, but it's not....I just wanted them to remember the importance of having people you love so much in your life again....coz we all take everyone else for granted.....

Anywayz, am feeling relatively tired...came back with Darling, and we slept until 8plus.....that's like super super terrible....coz I have ONE TONNE of things to do for tomorrow!!! Dunno why I'm still writing when I have so much to do, but, I guess I just need to clear my mind and relax a little..... We went to Popular to get more stationery for myself and my class, and also went to have dinner......

So...for the update on school!!! haha...It was good...not too bad.... realise that there's a lot to learn from dealing with children.... up till now, I think I am doing alright....not very well, but still manageable...I've gotten them to "respect" me and my position, and they understood it. They're playful, cannot sit still, and well, just mischievious, but, it's just kids...I don't blame them...in fact, if they ever do get out fo control, I would just blame myself for being unable to do what I should do. It's not their fault...it's mine, coz they don't know anything.....I am the one who's supposed to be moulding them into something better.... =) anywayz, yup, I guess my major fear would be trying to get them on the same level...coz of all the foreign students, all of them are at different levels right now.....they are all intelligent, and know what they should know...it's pretty much the language difficulty that is not making things easier for them and myself.....

Haha.....can you believe I actually forgot to bring a waterbottle to school? I almost died coz I was so busy I had no time to go get water!!! Man, I tell you, that's a mistake I must not repeat!!! Didn't have time to eat as well, coz I was trying to get settled down, and there was just so much admin to do. If things carry on like that, I would definitely lose weight without having to try! =p

Anywayz, now am focusing on going to plan my lesson schedule...will have to start teaching officially tomorrow...I just hope all will go well.......also got to start on doing my class decor....there's just so so so much to do...and I'm just feeling overwhelmed at the amount of work...but I guess that with time, things would get better.......it's funny...but dealing with the kids, and having to lower myself to their level, I realise I'm gradually becoming more patient, and I know how to use my voice to control the situation, to get attention, and I'm speaking slower too. It's weird since I've only been at school for a day.......even when I was in camp, I was inclined to talk to them like I talk to my kids!!! It's just an occupational hazard I guess....but..not a bad one, coz it's making me a better person!!! hahahaha

so....all has been good.....darling and me are trying to hard to be more understanding towards each other...and so far, we are doing quite well....I guess...well, with time...it's been 4 years.... we actually got carried away with ourselves.....but...the love for each other is still there, and we are very much still crazily in love....=)

nigel has not been feeling well, but I guess he's just not used to the amount of dust in the room we were sleeping in....coz it happened the last time we stayed there as well..and well, the symptoms he has are pretty much what I go through every morning.....so...it's not really serious...

hmm...okay then...it's eleven..i better get down to doing my work..... have to sleep early coz I need to leave the house by 6.15 tomorrow!!!!!! I hope I get enough sleep.......

I never said it was going to be easy.
I only said it was going to be worth it.

10:46 PM

Thursday, January 04, 2007

3rd January 2007

Hello. yes yes...it should be the 4th of January, now that it's already 12.45am.....and I wonder why i'm still awake at this ungodly hour when I'm supposed to be fast asleep already.....and i still have my 2nd day of crash course to attend tomorrow!!

sighz...it's been a whole list of tiring days and weeks since I stopped work at Canele...isn't it funny how when u say u wanna take a break after resigning....and u end up doing even more things than you would or should??!! I just don't understand.....but it's probably gene-inherited....=)

hmmm...the course was good, insightful and VERY VERY useful today....i really really learnt a lot, and shared a lot with my fellow coursemates, who i found out are almost as equally lost as i am about what to expect on Friday! sighz..i just pray that we can all do our best...and be able to inspire the children in the way we want to.....

hmm..so glad that nigel and sheena are alright already....been so worried abt them...i wonder wy i interfere so much sometimes, but i guess it's just me...i really really can't help it...esp not when these pple mean so much to me. =) (you all know i really love you guyz right??!! =p)

yes....first time i'm using such short paragraphs...but i'm really tired...and i just felt like writing for a little while to unload all the thoughts running through my head.....

hmm....the camp this weekend...really hope it all goes well...it's so last min.....but....i believe that the 4 of us are really doing what we can to make it a fruitful programme for the officers as well as put all our thoughts and messages into the programs...so i just hope it works out... i believe it will.....

2 pple i know have passed away.....Jasmine's dad and Father Carlo Ly.......the former, i don't know at all, but will still visit......and the latter is a priest I have respect for....coz he's a really nice man..and even though i haven't had the chance to personally interact with him, i know he's still really really nice....and well....though it's sad, but i believe we all have a greater place to go to...esp when it's pple that have done so much good in their lifetime and have nothing to worry about leaving behind......

there's so much i wanna write abt, esp since i've been reading extensively abt how boys and girls learn differently due to the differences in our brains...i tell u, some of the information will really shock you coz we really never see it in that view...but the lack of time....the TONNES of thoughts running through my head....and sleepiness is getting to me.......so, i shall not torture myself nor Darling, coz he's waiting for me to finish up and go to sleep.....hence, i will write more when i can...soon..i hope... =) i believe many are also waiting to hear my feedback on how school is like after i've attended my first day in school as a teacher!! hahaha...so.....update soon!!!

12:42 AM

Monday, January 01, 2007

January 1 2007

Today is the start of a new year..... i wonder how it will be.... i know for sure that so many changes are gonna be introduced into my life this year...that it'll probably be a very memorable one.......

1. I'm gonna be married by the end of this year!!!!

2. I'm gonna be a teacher!!!!

3. I should be going back to school by July, if all goes well....

Career changes....Life and marital status changes....changes in how i'm gonna be living my life..changes in responsibility...changes in workload.......

I once read an article where this lady mentioned that changes are often the most difficult phases of life to go through, coz in changing anything we're familiar too, we do not know what it holds... and we, being animals, are creatures of habit...and that is why so many people fear to face changes in their lives......i'm afraid too...but knowing that God is there beside me just makes everything seem so much better...... coz I know that He will lead the way for me and guide me, protecting me from harm.....of course, with Darling supporting me in every decision i make helps too!!

It's been a very long week ever since the return from Bintan. there are just so many things to do... Going to my new school and all, I realised that I have to teach almost all the subjects to my new students come the new academic year.......other than Music and mother tongue.....and that in a way scares me...coz it only means that there's so much preparation I have to do!! I fear so many things....i fear not knowing how to handle all their demands, coz they, being only Primary 1 are new to school.....and there's so much they have to get used to....i fear not being able to teach them as much as i need to, want to or should.....i fear not having enough time to do all i need to do....i fear so many many things......

Of course, it helps that the teachers in Opera Estate Primary are really nice, and are really guiding me and giving me all the tips necessary and all for classroom management.....Also, it turns out that this teacher that i started speaking to during the day of our staff meeting, is actually a friend of my mum's!!! The world is just so small.....and, well, knowing that she's somebody that i indirectly know just makes everything so much less scary and fearful for me...I just pray and hope that all goes well!!!

hmm....so much to do......this week is gonna be crazy.....i got to start preparing for all the school stuff, and lesson prep and all......on wednesday and thursday, the first 2 days of school, i have to go for a crash course at MOE......then on friday, it's my first real day at school......after which, i have my Curia Officers' Camp that begins that very same night....and lasts till Sunday......i jsut hope i have enough time to get to know my students, settle down in school, and to do enough preparation for Monday!!!

oh well....have to go.....either gonna take a nap, or go start doing my prep!!! BTW, happy new year everybody!!!!

4:37 PM