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Friday June 29 2007

Yay.....the month's coming to an end.

This is going to be a rather random post.......coz i'm having a terrible throbbing headache......i feel like banging my head on the wall right now, and breaking it into pieces, just so I can get rid of the ache.

As you can see from the time, I'm obviously on MC today.

My ankle suddenly started aching, and the ache hasn't gone away for three days. Feels like I sprained it...but I know I didn't. It's quite weird actually. And the pain kept getting worse.....Went to see a sinseh last night, and he said my hip muscle or whatsoever is a bit loose, thus causing my left leg (the aching one) to end up being a few cm longer than my right leg. I tell you, I really got the shock of my life when he showed me the difference. I didn't hear him correctly the first time, and thought he meant that I had been having uneven legs all my life!!! But ya......he did what he's best at, and "pushed" it back in place.........super scary can.......

so ya...although he gave me an MC, but as we all know, chinese sinseh's mc's are not recognised.... so i had to go to polyclinic today to get one......I think friday's a good day to go....it was SO empty today, you could hear a pin drop.......really......super rare scene......and ya...I went to check on my headache, which has been more intensive and more frequent this week...had thought it could be attributed to stress, but the doc was a bit more worried...he did a VERY thorough check-up, and yup, he said that my headaches are caused by my sinus problem....it presses on my head, causing the pain........

yay....two discoveries on my body in less than 24 hours......scary, i tell you..........

so yup...it's gonna be a long long weekend for me, from today till tuesday.....am trying to take my mind off work for today and tomorrow, at least, to rest my mind, coz it really hurts.....

So how am i coping with my P4s? I really don't know......they are starting to act up, and I'm trying to be as firm, yet friendly, as I can...... To say the truth, I don't feel much responsibility for them as of now....... coz.....I know I'm leaving soon...but on the other hand, I feel like I should coz they are starting to "trust" me.......if you know what I mean.......

It's really a lot of difference teaching P1s and P4s....... both in terms of delivering the lesson, as well as preparing for the lesson.......at P1...you never seem to have enough time delivering the lesson coz it takes so long for them to understand simple instructions...but at P4, because they don't need to move about as much, and can understand slightly more, you finish the lesson far sooner........at P1...there's nothing much to preparing a lesson, coz it's so basic, you can smoke your way through....and they're far more easily occupied...but at P4......the kinds of questions they can ask, and the prior knowledge they have means you have to be prepared for it...moreover, the topics are tougher, so you have to know what you are talking about.........

Sigh

Darling and me just paid our deposit for SAFYC (Changi)...so you can be sure that the banquet is gonna be held there...gonna be taking up our dance classes soon.........

so much to do, so little time.........going to take a nap now, and hopefully it'll clear the headache a little....




Tuesday 26 June 2007

I think I should really give feedbacks everytime I'm unhappy....... especially after a hotel stay. I usually get my way with an extra freebie...... maybe it's coz Darling and me have very high standards set for the service industry, and thus, if they can't even meet our most basic minimum requirements, we really get quite worked up, and I will write in to complain, or rather, give a feedback on how I feel. Of course, if a particular staff deserves compliments, I won't fail to feedback either.

So....why did I say this?

Well, those who've heard about our Bintan trip last year, where we got really upset with the service of the staff who was in charge of our ferry tickets, Darling and myself made a big hoo-hah over it, and as a result, earned ourselves a free night stay in Bintan....whenever we want...

And this time, much as we liked the Changi Hotel, we had a bit of a problem with our package, as they took forever to clear our confusion. The package came with a in-room breakfast and complimentary drinks, as mentioned, but the staff were unclear, and didn't know what we were talking about. It ended up with us being charged for these items, and we were obviously unhappy coz they didnt even know the information about packages that they are offering. So anyway, I gave my feedback, and we have now earned free buffet dinner for 4........Darling and me are deciding that the 5 of us should go, and we'll just pay for the price of 1....hehe....


Anyway......it's been 2 very stressful days at school coz of all the subjects....much as it's easier to teach an upper level, but it really takes lots of preparation.....but they are definitely easier to communicate with, and if you can understand them, and they understand you...there's usually no problem...the marking can kill though......but....*shrugs*

Went to see my P1 class today, and explained to them that I'm now going to be a student, and so I cannot teach them any longer....they managed to understand this, and so, I guess they earned closure from my time with them. I heard from their new teacher later that they seemed to be not as lost after I did that. So, that's good, I guess.........

With much work to do, I shan't write much......tomorrow's an even longer day...with Contact time and all...so yup......

Sighz....................

I know I ought to embrace the challenge posed to me....coz this will only add on to my experience, and knowledge of how to handle the children...... Yet.... I don't know....I wouldn't mind having more notice of what to expect...but I guess shit happens every now and then...and rather than to sit there moaning about things like that, I should really take things in stride and whilst learning to let go of fond memories, at the same time, I should also rise to the occasion and to do what I ought to do......

A few of my darlings were really upset when they saw me....and I guess that they are really feeling very very lost......some of my parents have actually called me to ask me why..and to tell me that their children are upset that I had to go....and....i really don't know what to say....should I be satisfied?? *sighz* It shows I've made an impact on their lives...but I guess that after a few more weeks, they would more or less have forgotten me and moved on........much as I wouldn't want that to happen, yet I know it's a fact of life, and that only by doing that will they actually be able to do better........

Oh well.....I really have to go read up and do lesson prep for tomorrow already.....

Monday June 25 2007








darling was very happy.... =) Anyway....we decided not to have our dinner in the hotel, as it was far too expensive, and probably not very worth it anyway...so we took a walk to Changi Village to have good ol' hawker food... Went to a little place called Charlie's Corner......their food is alright la....but I guess it's a good place to chill, especially if you love beer...coz they have so many choices!! =)

Freshly squeezed Fruit Punch....

Our in-room American Breakfast sets....







So yup....I think we both had quite a wonderful time.... not a bad place to go to actually, coz it's really away from the city and all, so if you just wanna spend time together, it's quite nice, and the facilities are not bad as well....what's more, if you don't really wanna spend money, you can actually just take the room...after all, there's so much food nearby, so you can just have nice and cheap food less than 5 mins away...






Saturday June 23 2007

Happy 54th Monthsary!!

Yay.....54 months together. Seriously, I wonder if there's still anyone who has been together pass 2 years and still calculate how many months they have been together......and I wonder if we would continue to count it by months even after we are married....so...do we actually now celebrate according to our wedding date or the date that we got together??? It's not like we have started an entirely new life together...rather.....I would feel that we just extended our lives and relationship to a different level...if you know what I mean... =)

=) Have planned a surprise for my darling...am not sure if I am actually able to complete it later on....but I'm crossing my fingers...


Anyway.....

I have signed my contract this morning with Darling and his mother...and I bumped into my primary school Maths HOD.....she still recognises me......i wonder if it's because I was that "special" or if it's because of my unique name...as so many former teachers and schoolmates have told me......since no one else they know has that name, thus it's no wonder that they would actually remember me for my name....=) But, back to the topic, she actually is glad that I have joined the "teaching fraternity" as she had so nicely put it, and is actually encouraging me and asking me to return to my alma mater...after I have "seen" the world and got a feel of how other schools actually operate.......She's speaking on the same wavelength as the current principal of my alma mater, who assures me that they'll gladly welcome their old girls to come back as teachers of the school with open arms....but because the environment there would be so different (in a good way) as compared to other schools, thus they feel it would be better if we got a taste of the not so sweet side of life first... In that way, we would appreciate our life more when we come back, thus making teaching a more fruitful profession in our lives. =) I totally agree with that opinion, and I want to make the most of the time I am learning in other schools out there.....Much as Darling tells me not to put so much hopes on how wonderful my alma mater may be, as it just means putting too much high hopes, and I may get disappointed.... yet I know that life there would be so much sweeter, coz I sincerely feel that an all-girls school would be much easier to teach.....having come from one....=) Also, it would mean being in a family where the teachers there would consist of teachers who had previously taught you.....Most importantly, I guess, would be the fact that we all have the same values, and want to inculcate the same kind of upbringing in the students as the one that we had.....

Watched 200 pound beauty last night at darling's place.....and I agree with Angela that it's a very good show......really questions you about the topic of inner beauty, as well as what the world considers beautiful....who you really are, or who you seem to be.......it's very thought-provoking, and a show that actually makes you think and feel........ is what the society thinks really all that important, or do we, as humans, just place too much importance on that??????


Had our General Staff Meeting yesterday from 9am to 5.30 pm....I almost died.......it was so dry and full of facts, but I guess it's part and parcel of the job....after all, who am I to complain, considering I had one full month of holiday??? Not exactly sleeping in everyday and all...but I still had a very relaxed one...and I took purpose in enjoying it because I know it's the only one I'll have until I begin life as a full-fledged teacher....=) But anyway, for the next 3 weeks that I will be in school, I will literally be waiting for teachers to go on MC before I actually have something to do..... I understand that coz after all, they can't give me my own timetable as that would mean more trouble for them once I leave.......but I really hate doing relief...you don't know what to expect, and you may not even know what you are teaching or talking about!!! You just have to hope and pray that you can successfully smoke your way through without the children finding out that you are actually quite clueless!!! hehe.......... Anyway, my kids seem to be going into good hands...I just hope that they don't scare her off immediately on the first day...but I know and believe that they will cope just fine, and in fact, probably do better than if I were to continue.....


Oh well.....gonna go for our getaway already............more posts when I return!!!




Thursday June 21 2007

Chicken rice was wonderful man.....haha......cooked it twice yesterday....once for my grandparents...once for my dearest of friends.... then plus dessert, and cookies as afters.....been long since i cooked for so many people...but I had great fun...I seriously think that if i ever do go out of a job, I should consider selling chicken rice as another option......*grinz*

anywayz.........2 more days till my getaway with darling...I can't wait!! Just gonna enjoy his company.....and we shall just laze about all weekend.....*sighz dreamily*

I do wish I could go overseas though......yet seeing that we've got so much to complete for our wedding, and are quite behind in our savings.......it's definitely not an option to consider.....in a way, we're also saving our leave for december...think we're gonna take a long long holiday......I really hope all our expenses for the wedding falls into place, then we know that whatever money we get through the angpows can be spent on saving as well as on our honeymoon...........should that be allowed, we'll definitely go to England, most likely Liverpool.....then darling and myself can go watch the Reds in action...hehe.... =) But......if that's not the case, then I guess we'll just settle for Australia...... either would be fine..after all, it's the company that matters...but I guess that now whilst we still have no commitments, it would be better to splurge on a holiday....once all the commitments start falling in, then I doubt we would want to part with the cash, as well as the time..........

But oh well, all that will be left into God's hands.... =)

Prep for the camp is so far going alright...nigel's the camp chief and angela's the vice-camp chief... All should be going well......really depends on the location....if it's a small and easy place to handle, then Darling and me can sit at one side, and watch them run the show....if not.....I guess we really have to step in...right now, we're just offering advice and ideas....and I guess they should be able to pick up from there.......

Oh well.......shall go enjoy what's left of my holiday...tomorrow will probably be a full day in school coz of the GSM..........so...I shall enjoy myself today............










Tuesday June 19 2007

I spent the entire day baking today. Been so long since I really took time to just bake.... =) Quite therapeutic, but relatively tiring....

Hmmm.....6 months and 3 days left to our wedding..and it still feels like there's so much more to be done...i think we really have to work at a much faster pace.... just hope everything falls in place in time.....right now, am trying to work at losing weight and getting in shape.....haha.....gonna sign up for dance classes with darling and angela soon....mos tlikely gonna be taking up lindy hop...i really can't wait.... to actually go back into what I truly and really love so much.... *sighz*

Anyway, everything's just been going so perfectly since we came back from EE...we actually take effort to go out of our way to be loving to the other party, and we do it consciously.....=) We put the other person before ourselves in all that we do, and consider his/her feelings and reactions before making any decisions.....I just hope we continue to live out what we have learnt in every day of our lives, for only then would this EE have been effective.....=)

I was joking with darling and angela yesterday that I think i'd have to ask my make-up artist to put on waterproof make-up for me, as i am SO sure that I'm gonna cry like mad on my wedding day itself.....I believe that I'll cry during the entire mass, whether it's saying the vows, walking in, or just singing the hymns...especially since I've picked hymns that have so much meaning and all......then at night, i'll probably cry again when i watch the express highlights and all.....sighz....it's just emotional old me...i wonder why i'm so emotional sometimes......none of my parents are this emotional....so....it really is weird........

anywayz, right now am reading the bible coz I'm trying to find a passage that really suits us for our first reading....and it's quite cool actually, reading it...and finding out much much more than what I used to know..... =)

few more days before the holiday ends...i'm almost in denial...especially since i've gotten so used and comfortable to my current state of life. but well, holidays always have to end.....and it's 4 more weeks as a teacher before I go back to being a student....i guess that's what i really fear...not sure if I can take on the pressure of studying once again, travelling to school, and whether my schedule will clash with all the preparations i've to do for my wedding...but I guess I just have to trust in the Lord, and believe that He'll guide me and Darling through it all.......

Hope He'll continue to guide Nigel with the preparation for JXY too...especially since we really seem to be short-handed this time round...if worse comes to worst, I guess Darling and myself really have to go back to help out once more.....

oh well....all we can do is pray, and hope for the best, and let the Lord decide.......=)

chicken rice tomorrow......for my dearest of friends......=) aren't u salivating already?? hehe...




Sunday June 17 2007

Love......

A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime.

That is the principle of the Engaged Encounter....a Marriage Preparation Weekend that Darling and myself have just gone for.

Through this entire weekend, we've learnt so much, gained so much, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. Darling has been absolutely wonderful with all his inputs....he has tried really hard to be so open and honest about his feelings, as well as towards all the topics that we have had to discuss about. It's something that I know is so so difficult for Darling....and it really is not easy for someone who does not know how to express all of his emotions and thoughts without fearing judgement. Much as we do a lot of sharing of our opinions, but to continuously think about stuff that is so in depth, and to do it with such honesty and truth just proves how much he wants all of this....how much effort he is willing to put in for our marriage...and just how much he actually trusts me....and it all means so so so much to me. =)

I'm so entirely in bliss right now. I can't fully say what the entire weekend was about, as I don't wanna disclose anything that might hinder others' experience of the EE when they do go for it in the future.....yet...all I can say is that how successful the weekend may be for the couple is highly dependent on how serious the couple is on wanting to actually improve their future marriage life, as well as their current relationship. I think Darling and myself were like the youngest couple there....and many were shocked to see us so young....haha.....but I guess its pretty much the level at which your relationship is at, and whether you think you are ready to move on to the next stage after much consideration.......

We touched on so many topics....mostly really serious ones....and really, it was very much a mental drain over the weekend.....we were like sitting for a continuous 3 day exam......it was talks, then reflecting and jotting down of thoughts, after which we had to share our answers with our partners.......to say the truth, we didn't really need to bother about all the other couples present, as the entire focus was on ourselves, and our relationship. Yet...it was really wonderful...especially since the both of us tried our utmost to listen to the sharings, as well as to really think about the issues and questions posed, then writing out our true feelings.

Though certain issues, i.e. forgiveness, etc are areas where we do not have much problems with, and are also issues with which we have discussed and talked about previusly, but there were also many more that we had to deal with on the spot.....not having a timetable for ourselves to follow was actually also good, as we couldn't then predict what was to happen next, and were constantly on our toes, waiting for the next signal that time was up.....

I guess wat was most important was that we were "far far away" from home and all sorts of distractions, thus allowing us to actually think even deeper about issues than we would have, were we out of this place. All our time was spent on each other and thus, we had time to really "rediscover" one another.

It was a pretty wonderful experience, and allows us now to actually view our relationship in an entirely different light. it's not like we became perfect and ironed out all differences overnight. No. Rather, I feel that we now know the commitment we each have to make this marriage work, and that we are both responsible for everything that happens to us.....and most importantly, God's role in our relationship and in this marriage........

It's funny how Darling and myself don't even feel deprived from the world, i.e. TV, computer, internet, handphones, etc, when during other camps, we would come back feeling so entirely lost from the world, thus feeling the need to actually find out about what has been going on whilst we were "away". It's like right now, we came back, and I actually almost immediately miss being away from all these distractions, as during this weekend, we really felt our love for each other at a whole different level, and at its peak as well. I came back, and my entire focus was to actually spend time showing and reassuring Darling that I love him again....that really amazed me.... coz it's so unlike myself........I don't know if it's coz the entire hype of having just come back from a weekend....but I do know I will keep trying to remind myself of the things I have learnt, and to continue to try my best to put them in practice every single day of my life, so that I can continue to show and reassure him of my love for him, as well as to continue at working to improve this to-be marriage of ours....

Darling darling.......I'll continue to work at making the pledge I made to you come alive every single day of the rest of our lives together......thank you for everything you've done for me over this entire weekend. I really and truly appreciate your effort at making this work.....






Friday, June 15 2007

I've had such a wonderful week of relaxation....haha...haven't done anything other than reading my books in bed.......it's such a wonderful thing to do.....just to be able to do that....=)

Angela's finally back from Redang....but Darling and me will be goin away on our Engaged Encounter weekend.... so we won't be seeing each other till Sunday evening.....feels almost weird since we meet up with her almost every other day......

one more week till school term begins...and then it's one more month till I begin school....

it really feels almost scary to have to go make new friends, after I'm already so comfortable with this lifestyle.....of course, having to be in school also mean i'll have less freedom than what I'm having now......sigh...i only can hope i can manage with the workload, and the exams, projects and all, together with my wedding preparations...they are just going to get more intensive now, especially since we've decided on the 3 major things....coz there's all the minor details to be settled, and all the nitty-gritty to be done.....

oh well.....have nothing much to write...but will definitely write again after my EE....meanwhile, shall finish up my packing, and clean up my room..till then....




Monday June 11 2007

well. All good things come to an end.

is that a line worth looking at? I wish it wasn't. But when it rains, it really does pour.

There's been so many upheavals in the relationships around me lately that it's almost scary.

but, well, sheesh...i'm speechless.....

i guess it hurts to have so much hope in something, and then watch it all crash down upon you. I had really so much hopes for them....but things don't always turn out the way we hope for..

what makes it more sad is the reason why they broke up. it's really a muddle of misunderstandings......

at this point, do I think they love each other any less than the first time they said "I Love You"?
I don't think so.
In fact, I think they love each other even more now.
Yet, love always makes you think irrationally..that's why it's called love.

I only hope that one day when they look back on this relationship, they wouldn't regret the outcome of this relationship.
I believe love should be without regrets.
If they think that by leaving one another they are making the other person happier, I think they're both terribly wrong.

Love is not about putting walls up to protect yourself. Love is about giving up oneself wholeheartedly, to let yourself be vulnerable.

I think the both of you are protecting yourselves now. Convincing yourselves that this is the best way out.

I don't know what to say. I can't dictate your paths in life.

Much as I believe that if you're meant to be together, you really will end up together again,
yet, I also believe that our paths sometimes cross only once.

I just watched Pirates of the Carribean....and there was one quote that I think suits everything I just tried to say..."Our paths are entwined, but it was never joined"

Is that so for the both of you? I really don't know.

But I really hope you both think it through...think about yourself, and what you really want for once.......before making that final decision...for once it's made, you can never retract your words back........

I love you both..






Thursday June 7th 2007


"friends come and go"

i never thought about how true this phrase is until now.


friendship...no matter how tight or strong you think the bonds are, it can all be over in less than 2 mins.

that's all it takes to ruin more than 8 years of friendship.


i used to think that life revolved around friends.....i used to hate how i've left each part of my school life with not that many friends to boast of. i still feel that way.

but now, i guess, all that matters to me are my family. pple i regard as my family.

seriously, blood is thicker than water. no matter what anybody else may say.


i can't even believe why i bother involving myself in something so juvenile. yet, i subjected myself and darling to nonsense like that. but oh well, it just shows that no matter how much u care about some people, they'll just backstab you no matter what you do, and just hate u for caring.

i'm not bitter about it. not at all.

in fact, i almost term it good riddance.



i will not change myself for anyone...as mentioned b4, change in a person comes involuntarily.

i know i live my life with no regrets. not one at all. i love my family, they love me back for who i am.

and that's all that matters.






Wednesday June 06 2007

don't understand.

hurt.

upset.


i just got my letter of acceptance into NIE.
BUT
I'm not feeling happy.

I don't know why.


maybe coz it symbolises another change in my life.
a life i'm comfortable with.

but I don't know.



I've been judged.
By people I care about.
Is it so wrong to care?

I don't know anymore.

I wonder why I even bother sometimes.

Am I wronged, or do I wrong others?

Is it my fault that I have that few friends?

Is there something wrong with me.



I don't feel so.
Never felt so.
Yet why do others never fail to make me question myself?

i hate this.





Tuesday June 5th 2007

Hospitals.

I've spent two entire days inside a ward looking after Darling's grandmother. tending to her every needs, acquainting myself with the nurses that look after her. I am getting a clearer insight to Angela's job......and much as the nurses here are nice to Grandma, that does not kill the prejudice I have to CGH.

Sometimes I'm amazed at how I can stay cooped up for so long in one place........thank God for libraries....I borrowed like 8 books, and I have finished 3 of them already...haha....I guess in a way, it just helped to relax me.......coz I can then escape away to a more perfect fantasy world of mine.

Yet, there's still my conscious mind reminding me of the tonnes of things that I have to do back home!! ARGH..... I have not touched work for almost 2 weeks.....and there's all the other things I had planned to do.....it obviously does not help that Curia is this week, and that the Engaged Encounter is next week......... I am so so looking forward to the getaway that Darling and me are planning for on our 54th monthsary.....with a 60 min spa massage waiting for us, sigh...i can only dream...... =)

of course, i know that looking after grandma is all for a good cause...she's beginning to trust me more with each minute I spend with her, allowing me to tend to all her needs, and I guess it is difficult for someone to have to start learning to depend on others, especially one as independent and strong-headed as she is.... *shrugs*

ah well.........don't have much to write....in fact all I want to do now, is to cuddle up in bed......I dunnoe why....camp always makes me feel like i'm a young child once more, reminds me of the days when I first started going for them...haha....I guess that's why we all miss camp once it's over......subconsciously, it has become our sanctuary.....as much as we don't admit it is!! =) maybe the "youth" we now feel, has somehow injected itself into our relationship....the last few days have been absolutely wonderful with darling, and it's like we had started all over again..... just love times like that when I can choose to shut everything off...as if i had no other cares in the world.......

*sighz dreamily*.............................









Sunday June 3rd 2007


"what hurts the most is being so close" - love that song quote......it's stuck in my mind.

and it's so true.


I hate always being involved in other people's relationships coz in some way, I shouldn't...... yet...i care too much to let it all die away.

Both mean as much to me. I've watched this relationship blossom...... yet.... I know not how to help them solve this. In fact, I can't. For it's their road.....it's an obstacle they both have to clear on their own. Yet I can't help but wish I could lend a helping hand.

It's amazing how love makes us so blind. It's amazing how love can blur the line between being generous and selfish, until u know not what the definition is. What truly is loving? To hold back or to let go?

I truly think i am lucky to have met someone like my darling. to have someone with whom my ideals are linked so closely to....to whom our principles in life and love are so similar....to one who has the same commitments as I do...........yet, I know it was not all god-given....rather, we also played a part in making it work out...because we wanted it to, and we both wanted it to be the best it ever could be, one that would last us for our entire lifetime......because that's the only way love can last.......love's not given perfect.....instead, it comes with many imperfections that becomes more obvious only as time goes by, and you have to learn to perfect it, to smoothen it's ridges, to accept, and to love..........

Yet, not many are as lucky as we are. However, this is not to say that it is impossible to attain this level of love that is similar to ours. I guess it's just how ur attitude towards love is.

It's not about changing yourself or your better half. That can never happen. We are who we are, and changes happen involuntarily...it's not something that can be controlled by anyone, not even ourselves. It's about accepting, loving, and making an effort to improve yourself, so that you are making a conscious effort to strengthen the relationship.

Love cannot stagnate.
Never.
Once it stagnates, it is lost, and all that holds you together are just commitments.

Love is about finding more ways to love your better half, and to give them even more reason to love you. Love is about continuing to discover something new to learn about your other half every day. Love is finding new ways to remind your other half you love and appreciate them and their efforts to make you love them more.

Love is telling each other "I love you" every day.

Love is about making choices not only for yourself but for the both of you.

Love is not about giving yourself up....but to lead two lives that link as one. Love is about developing together. Love is spending every moment together as if it were the last, to treasure every single moment. Love is not about clinging to one another, preventing growth, but rather, to support each other as you grow individually.

Love is to never give up....not on your other half, and not on yourself.... for once you do that, all is lost. Yet, love is also about letting go so that you don't suffocate.....it's knowing when to make the right choice.

Love is confusing. It always will be........


I guess it sucks when it reaches the point where you have to make such a decision, especially when the both of you have grown so much together, shared so much, loved so much. But there are times when such decisions have to be made. It's how much you treasure this....and how much you want it to last. Sometimes making what you think is the best decision, can be the most wrong decision you ever can make.

I guess that in the end, what matters most, is not to regret any decision you make.........




Saturday 2 June 2007

I'm back from camp.

It's truly the most relaxed camp i've ever been to. Maybe it's coz we were totally not involved, and just came in to help whenever they needed us. So, we really took our own sweet time at doing things....haha.... Darling and Angela went down to become campers once more, coz one of the groups were short of people..... I was basically helping out with meals, doing photos, leading songs, etc.......

Though we only had 4-5 new faces, but, I hope they actually gained something out of camp. Am glad that the kids actually managed to step up to the challenge to be ygz.....though they weren't the best they could be, but I believe they learnt a lot. And, I am proud of most of them, if not all. My first-timers stepped up to the challenge far more than I expected them to...though they didn't know where to draw the line between themselves and the campers, but I believe it's pretty much coz they are still young...and I believe that being YGZ allowed them to gain new experiences, and see things from another perspective...... the experienced ones, though they managed to do what they did, yet, I feel that they could have done more....improved themselves............nonetheless, I guess it's all part of the learning journey.......overall, I would say the campers enjoyed themselves, which obviously is one of the main objectives...yet, I can't help but feel that they could have gotten more out of the camp.......anyhow, it's already over, and I believe the year-end one would be better.....=)

P&W session on the last night was perfect. It's everything I want it to be....i guess the small room helped to bring up the atmosphere even more. it actually got to the level that I've been wanting it to get up to for so long......it's funny.......i felt God's presence whilst singing the songs...
and that's something that occurs all the time, but this time in a different way. I feel bad for having shied away from him for quite some time....yet, I know that I wasn't away from him...rather, I felt that I connected to Him in an entirely different way......camps always do this to you...that's why I love Legion camps....and I will never do away with them...for they are what makes Legion something special......it's everything more than just meetings and prayers...it's friendship...it's bonding...it's becoming a family.....it's trusting one another, creating memories together......growing together......*smiles dreamily* were it not for my wedding at the end of the year, darling and me would definitely be involved in the year end camp....but I guess we both don't want to risk either one........that's why we are actually taking a step back to become advisors, to make sure that things don't go wrong, yet not entirely involving ourselves.....

*sigh*......watching the younger ones step up to the challenges somehow makes me feel older...... I know I can't keep up with them, running all over the place.....in running with them, darling shared with me how tired he was...and it's true........i guess that even until now, as Nigel says, becoming a YGZ is a much coveted dream.......although it entails much work and sleepless nights.... and once u've been there long enough, u can no longer go down and become a camper again.....added to that, age..... haha......but it's things like that, that just makes all of us closer to one another...............=)