♥ Eternity

Sunday, July 22, 2007

22nd July 2007, Sunday.

Pain

That's the only emotion I feel right now.

I don't know how else to describe the hurt I feel deep within my heart.

My nanny just passed away at 1331 hours today, at 63 years old.

It was a sudden death. One minute she was there, the next they are trying to save her life.

I still cannot come to terms with her death.

It hurts. so badly.

I've never wept as much as I did...not when my friend, Jolene passed away, not when my grandmother did too.

maybe it's coz she was still well, and did not show any signs of sickness lately.
maybe it's coz I never got to see her for the last time.
maybe it's coz I wanted her to see me in my wedding gown, and to give me her blessings.
maybe it's coz I wanted so badly for her to look after my children next time.

maybe it's coz her own son can only reach singapore at 0645 hours tomorrow.
maybe it's coz my "daddy" will be all alone now.

maybe it's coz I never got to give her her Mother's day present.
maybe it's coz we haven't been in much contact lately.

I don't know.

It hurts.
It hurts so bad.

She was the only one who could make me sleep when I was a baby, listening to her heartbeat.
She was the one who taught me how to read.
She was the one who taught me everything I knew as a child.
She was the one who made me who I am now.

And now she's gone.

Though I accept the fact that our bodies are only worthy on Earth, and that she's gone to a far better place now, I can't help but miss her.

And I too worry for my "daddy", who'll be all alone.
What will happen to him now?

I believe that all things happen for a reason, but I'm still trying to grapple with the fact that I can no longer see her in flesh anymore..............
That I can no longer be with her by her side.
That she'll not be there smiling at me at my wedding.
That I'll never get to show and tell my future children how wonderful and important she was in my life.........

I miss you.

I really do.

10:31 PM