♥ Eternity

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Thursday July 25 2007

Mama has been cremated.
Her mortal body has left Earth for good.

I don't know what to feel.
Really.

I'm not upset, because I know that she has gone to a far better place. A place much better than what we can ever discover on Earth.
I just miss her being. I miss hearing her call my name, I miss her sweet smile. I miss sitting beside her, filling her in on the details of my life.

I don't know how to describe my feelings.
Up until yesterday, I had been feeling pain and loss. I still do.
But yesterday, Daddy got all of us to pen a little note to her, in which it would be placed in her urn of ashes.
As always, the paper given out was too small for me.
so, I chose to write a letter on my own, and to place it inside as well.
Somehow, I felt much better after that. It's as if I've told her all I'd wanted to say, and that a big burden had been lifted off my chest.
Even when I presented my eulogy to her today, by the time I'd reached the middle, God had worked His usual magic on the hurt in my heart, and I managed to take control of my emotions, and to speak to the audience with words of comfort and love.

But, what helped to make everything so much better, was that when we had reached the crematorium to say our final rites and prayers, there was a little sparrow inside the hall. It flew around, as if to welcome everyone, then, it perched itself on the wall, looking down at the coffin, then flew around somemore, disappearing for awhile, then returning, and coming back to look at the coffin again. And just as we were about to begin our rites, it flew away.

that scene gave me lots of peace.
I can't explain why.
Mama loves sparrows too.
Maybe it's her, maybe it's God trying to tell us that she's in a better place.
But I felt happy. Happy to know that she is happy too. Yet sad to know I'll never see her again.
I smile fondly at the beautiful memories I had with her, and even when I look at the photos I had with her when I was a child, I realise that in each one, she's not looking directly at the camera, but instead, she is gazing at me with lots and lots of love in her eyes. And that touches me.
I'm so glad these moments were captured on film for my memory, for these moments could only have happened once.

I know that if I do get a daughter in future, her name would be Regina Faith Ho.
Though Mama can't take care of her physically, I know she would watch over my future child/children from heaven, and giving the child her name would be the best gift I could give her.
I would tell her all about Mama, and what a wonderful person she was, and how special she is to me.
I know that this name would be what would set her apart from all her peers next time.
=)

Mama, I love you.
Rest in peace,
and do know that we all fondly miss and remember you.
Continue to watch over us, especially Daddy,
and keep all of us safe from harm.

With love............

7:15 PM