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Finally had my induction done at SACPS.....it was truly a homecoming for me.....going back to the place I once belonged......and the school has only aged beautifully and gracefully....it's filled with warmth and laughter of old girls......everywhere I walked with my mentor, I saw a past etched with my memory of that particular spot.....with my friends of days long gone....of youthful hope and naivete......yet...all that beauty I gained was marred by an evil witch....... if things go well, I may not come into contact with her at all during my 5 weeks there...yet how long can i run? I only hope that my fears are all untrue....that she's not already spouting untruths to teachers who love me for who I am....for who they remember me to be....yet, I know I'll be able to win them over with hardwork, earnestness, passion and drive......

Seeing this school, and comparing it to the place I came from, they are but worlds apart....every child here is cared for and loved for who she is, and groomed in the best of ways to make her a more other-centered individual. No doubt grades are still important, but the inner beauty, the spirituality is what matters to the teachers here......and this is so much more different from that other place..........and somehow, though the vision and everything may seem idealistic and all, yet, I know that this is the place I want to belong to, the place where I want to forge new memories of my time in the school.....to build on the past I'd left behind, and yet am still proud of.......

Hmmm....Darling's gonna be super busy over the next few months to come...being involved in NDP and all......he's gonna be away for almost every Saturday, and maybe Tuesdays and Thursdays too........whilst it's going to be somewhat good coz I can focus on my work/lesson plans whilst I'm at practicum..... yet on the other hand, my stint at SACPS does not begin until Term 3..... which leaves me with almost 7 saturdays alone..... sighz.......I guess I'll use the time to work on my Recruitment programme!

Going to watch Nim's Island later on......

Tomorrow's gonna be another busy day.........visiting Darling's grandfather's grave; then going to check out Pulau Ubin for a church activity...then dinner to celebrate Nigel's birthday...... and come Monday evening, Darling and me will be in Tioman enjoying ourselves and relaxing.....hmm.....I so can't wait....just hope our days there are filled with plenty of sunshine!!!!























Just found out where I'll be teaching for my Teaching Assistantship.....my first practicum attachment.....5 weeks of Term 3......my alma mater, SACPS....it was my dream. It still is my dream. But an evil witch marred that dream...I just hope I don't end up getting her as my CT. And if I do....maybe God has better plans. Maybe He wants me to touch her heart. Any how, I am just gonna leave everything in God's hands, and just do the best i can...... Hopefully I turn out to be a good teacher to the children. For this is the school I'll be returning to for my second and final attachment. sighz...just hope my CTs are nice, and that my teachers from my primary school years love me enough to guide me along the way.....

Had a super duper long day today....actually, ain't really that long, come to think of it....but the officers' meeting sure tired me out.....so much to plan for the next half of the year.....just hope it all falls into place. what with the recruitment activity-cum-da xing kang le in June, the Retreat in August, and our camp in December....all these are but the tip of the iceberg......

sigh....come to think of it....we, the curia officers have been in position for almost 2 years now.... 1 more year till election. Have we done enough? I really have no idea. All I know is that we saved it from something that was dying, and injected life into it. Yet, all our hard work may come to naught if the old fogeys do not see how much we want to make this work....our passion to keep this fire burning. That's why we came back. To save a dying Army....so that new soldiers can be recruited, trained, and prepare these new battallions for future wars, for more important wars that we were meant to fight. Yet, they choose not to fight against evil, to fight against touching the lives of those whom we were meant to touch, but to instead fight against themselves, to save their stupid pride of the language. Is that really more important? Or is the work of God more important? I really have no idea. All I know is that we have given half our lives for this cause..... and it's up to them to realise that......

But, the ball is now in their court, not ours. We will attempt to fight our last battle come the next meeting on August 24....if we fail this battle, all I can say is, unless they find a better successor, or rather better successors who are willing to make Legion conform to their ways and methods, this will be the last battle ever fought in our time as a Legionary. The Mandarin Youth Legion may or may not see its last days.......all that will be up to that fateful meeting....

Of course, it's still God's will. If we fail, maybe it's coz He knows this plan will not work; maybe it's coz He does not see its point; maybe He knows that our departure will bring better days for Legion. All I know is that we, the current reign have done all we could. I once vowed never to leave Legion, because it is Legion that brought meaning to my life; it is Legion that gave me my soulmate; it is Legion that gave me my friends and so much more in the spiritual aspect. But if it has to come to this, I would say that I've done all I could for this cause.......and I have to choose to leave because the changes that I see are essential for the flame to continue burning will not be recognised because old fogeys are not willing to try and see the changes that must be made. Then, it's sad to say this but, our future looks bleak....... should u read this fellow Legionaries, I urge you to pray.....not so much for our success....but for God's will for this ministry....He has His plans.......He knows what is best for us..........


















I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the right man was on the wall
If I don't land
Days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear to fall
I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Things have seem to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away

'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the worlds crashing down
And you can not bear to crawl
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost




My mind is so random. I feel like writing, but I know not what to write.

Since school's been out, I somehow feel a weird sense of emptiness.... you know when you've been busy and working your ass off for so many things, and when it's finally over, u feel like your world has stopped for a little while, and you don't know what to do with the time now.....

I feel like lazing all day long, reading chick-lit (courtesy of Angela), all coz they make the world seem so picture-perfect and untainted....playing free downloaded games just to while away my time.....I feel like I deserve it....ha...what have I done to deserve that?? But it's all coz I guess I'm trying to run away from the fact that I'm gonna find out which school I'll be posted to for my Teaching Assistantship on Monday....and once again, my world will start spinning once more....

I dunno wat's with me....am I a quitter? I somehow feel like other than my childhood dream of wanting to be a housewife, stay at home to clean, cook and look after my kids, there's actually not much I wanna do.... (other than the other unfulfilled dream of being a professional dancer, of course!!) and I guess that because of that, I tend to lose hope in the things I do quite easily... which is really bad, by the way.....

*big sigh*

I only hope I'll make a good teacher......actually right now, I really hope I'll pass NIE well...coz the LD part really scares me...so worried i'll have to pay extra for failing! *humph*......sometimes i do question myself whether i'm really qualified for this line.....i do love kids, and i love connecting with them.....but looking at some of my really passionate friends in school, as well as the ones who are there coz they have nowhere else to go, and pple like Sheena, who'd give anything for their students, I can't help but wonder which world I belong to......much as I know I wanna leave once my bond is up coz i wanna take care of my future kids singlehandedly and not neglect them coz of work, yet, i really wonder if i'm being selfish by thinking this way? Darling would have so much financial burden coz of this decision of mine....and i guess i'd really have to make money out of tuition kids, as well as baking for others!!! so friends, when i do quit my job, feel free to place orders from me for food, desserts, ice-cream, etc, so that i can earn some cash!!!! haha.....

on another note, i just went blog-surfing.....been thinking lots abt ian's post, and mark's reply... it's true.... the whole politics thing in Legion is getting to me.....i guess that that's the sucky part about being a Curia officer........many think Darling and me came back for the glory of the post...shit man.... i'm sorry, but we're not that shallow-minded.....i don't need this glory.... it ain't all about caring only for those under us...but also abt listening to the old fogeys above us...... ya, i do respect them and all, but at the end of the day, i can't help but ask if they too respect us.

there's so much dreams we have for this beloved Ministry of ours....all of us who are still here from eons ago......for goodness sake, i've been here for 10 years now..... so much we want to do to ensure this thing is carried on...so that even when we're older, we too can look back on this Ministry and smile at how successful it is......the Chinese youth legion was such a big thing in its heyday......and yet, it's now in such a sorry state........ i can't help but agree with some who say that it's not the numbers that matter, it's the hearts of the pple......yet at the end of the day, don't we need to survive? That's the only reason why we are recruiting....and with no large numbers, or people who really want it as bad as we do, how likely are we to recruit new members to maintain the life of Legion?

Truth be told, how many of them are here for social reasons, whilst proclaiming that Legion's their life? And how many of us are around, to really fight, and lose our life for it, because we know what it can be like, what it truly is? That Legion's not all about fun and games....that it all contains something deeper, something more meaningful....that it contains God, and Mary working in our lives, and that we are aware of their presence, and see their magnificence in our work?

Yet, it's disheartening that the old fogeys do not recognise that. What's important to them, is the life of their Chinese ministry.......i do often ask myself....which is more important??? That whole language thing often irks me....because i find it senseless..... they are living in such a perfect bubble that they fail to see that it ain't easy for us to recruit members based on our language alone....yet, what's with the language? at the end of the day, isn't it all about serving God? The fact is, we do try to use the language.......but it sure don't seem enough for them....... they don't see our ideals, our needs, our wants........

well, as I said many times in the last couple of months.....their stubborness will be what leads to the fall of the Youth Legion....... Maybe i'm wrong...maybe God has better plans that will not be seen in my time here....but my rationale is this....as long as this bunch of old fogeys are unwilling to accept change from us....and choose to stay there as donkeys would, then, there's not much point in our existence.....and our time will come......

ah well....i shan't spoil my mood..... gonna meet Angela later to get more trashy chick-lit from her....and cook lunch.......bought lovely Korean strawberries from Giant the other day...and they're perfect with ice-cream....=)

currently kinda disappointed with a rather close friend...but shan't mention names.....just disappointed that he thinks so little of me to be unable to tell me his difficulties, and instead show up an attitude that i think is quite ugly.....but, who am i to judge.......

for those who don't know it yet, the recruitment camp is off due to unforeseen circumstances, and in a way, God's will, i would think..... but anyway, we will be planning a one-day activity for new and old members alike...... so keep yourselves posted on the news.

hope my tioman trip comes through.............really need the break......think darling needs it too.....
ah well, all in God's time........




been a highly busy week...rushing out assignments, studying for tests...........but it's all over!!!....for now, at least......

will be finding out which school i'll be posted to in June for my Teaching Assistantship....been feeling very apprehensive about it all....I dunno why....I just fear that when being observed, I won't be as good a teacher as I could be when I'm in the class alone with the students....but i guess that this process is all part and parcel of this line....so i have to get used to it no matter what.......

been working my ass off for my bio and my pedagogy in science modules....i only hope my hard work pays off.....putting relatively high hopes on these 2 coz I don't think i'll do as well for my other 3 modules.......

hmmm....darling and me were getting a lil tough on one another lately....me coz of my stress and lack of sleep....him coz of his work frustration.........but all's good now.......watching Definitely, Maybe sure helped.......i think it's quite a great show...kept us thinking hard about the ending till the very end....and also, it helped us realise that we've been blinded by the less important things around us for a while....forgetting that what is more important is the person right beside us......the one who'll never leave us no matter what.....(this is of course in the humanly sense.... we both are still aware of God's presence.....) =D

need to save lots lots lots all for our house..........need to save lots for our planned europe tour.... when we have the cash and time..... did a mental note of all the cities we wanna visit in europe...and it's madness!! hahaha...... England - London, Liverpool; Spain - Barcelona, Madrid; France - Paris; Italy - Rome, Milan; Greece; Switzerland.....i think this is but the tip of the iceberg...but oh well, it's our goal to complete this trip, preferably by the time I complete my bond with MOE...... =D so.....we really will need to save!!!

can't wait for our getaway.......going to tioman on 28-30 april...... need to just hide from everything for a while, and spend time with each other , enjoying one another's presence once more..........haven't had such time together alone since we came back from australia...... and i think it's all important for every couple to take such time away once in awhile....just to rejuvenate themselves and the relationship....coz ever so often, u get so caught up in the chase of the world....that u do not realize u've been losing touch with everything else......




God, grant me patience to be tolerant of those who go to church for the sake of fulfilling their "going for Sunday mass" necessity, but in the process, kill the ability of others to try and listen to your word.....

Super irritated at mass this afternoon.........yet i know i ought to be more tolerant.......i think pple ought to seriously think about what they are going to mass for, the kind of values they want to inculcate in their children.....what's the point of going if you are gonna talk through the ENTIRE mass???

Sheesh.....was extremely disturbed by 4 teenagers behind us...not once during the mass did they stop talking....no...not even during the eucharist......crap....i glared so much, yet they just pretended they didn't know anything....... thank God darling was there to stop me from giving them a piece of my mind.......i used to think i was a terrible teenager, talking during sermon.......but today, my eyes were opened.....these pple are terrible...i wonder if it only happens at my church.....

then there were 2 groups of parents who were letting their 3-4 yr old child eat snacks during mass......the last time i went to mass, i saw another parent give her child a chocolate digestive biscuit......WTF.......it's mass.....it's not a meal...they won't die if they have to sit without eating for a mere hour!!!!! Like my bro once said...if they're infants or toddlers that need their feed of milk, fine...... coz they are hungry....but snacks??!!! to keep their mouth shut??!!! And in the process, dirty the pews and the kneeling cushion??!!! Wat is ur purpose of feeding them?? Shouldn't they be following wat the adults do???? I never remembered being allowed to eat in church...and i always had to mimic wat my parents were doing.....sheesh...i even saw primary school kids doing their homework, sprawled on the floor once......i wonder wat their parents are teaching them, or why they are even there in the first place...i think they'll sin less if they stayed at home instead......*rolls eyes*

i'm not free of sin though....coz i'm judging....but i just wish pple would attribute more meaning to mass going......i'd rather you not go, then to go and disturb others who sincerely want to be there......which is the greater of two evils??!!

sighz....wat was supposed to be a good dinner at my in-laws was spoilt because of over-protection of one particular person.....i wonder why sometimes......but oh well, it's not up to me, and i won't mention anything here......

ah well.....bio test on friday...i shall channel my energy there instead........




I just did something extremely mad......I chopped my almost-waist length hair all the way to my chin...haha....Am I too stressed? Maybe........

The last time I cut my hair this short was just before I attended the JXY of 1998...that's how long ago.....my hair has been long for like forever....even Darling has never seen me with short hair....in person, of course.....the best part is?? He hasn't seen it yet coz he's now on duty....though i've told him...but i guess the shock is when he sees me....haha!

I am still trying to get used to it....feels almost weird....still dunno why i attempted something like that.......had wanted it to look like Victoria Beckham's bob...but my hairdresser was telling me that that would be extremely drastic coz it's super short....so...she left it at this length for now....just in case I have any regrets, at least the hair won't take so long to grow out....

I'm not regretting it yet...coz it still looks nice from the hairdresser....the real test would be when I wash it tmr evening, I guess!! Still miss my long hair though.......

Hope darling doesn't get a heart attack tmr morning!!! =D




Finally have time to do a brief entry.....

It's been Hell week, with so much to complete this entire week..........had my English Text Types Test on Monday, then my Writing Test on Tuesday, followed by a Science presentation tomorrow, and handing up of another English assignment tomorrow....have my Bio final test coming up and my Science final assignment due....

Humph......been sleeping super late the last few days rushing out work and studying.....haven't had much time to spend with Darling...thank God he's really understanding about it....that really helps...coz he doesn't make me feel guilty about it all........

Sighz....have been haunted by a headache since my fever last week....I think it should be the stress that's causing it.....have to do the recruitment flyers as well...just hope everything falls into place nicely.......

Mark's grandfather just passed away...gonna be going for his wake later after meeting....

Finally, we're gonna have a weekend with no Legion activities.....that is like so rare...at least we can take the time to catch our breath for a while.... =)

Can't wait for Monday to come.....gonna have one entire day with my darling and Angela.... hehe...