♥ Eternity

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

I AM PISSED.

PISSED IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.

I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS ANGRY FOR REALLY REALLY REALLY LONG.

TRUST ME, YOU WON'T EVEN WANT TO COME NEAR ME NOW.

i really really really hate my senior presidium.

they just voted me for secretary.

and the point is, they didn't even give me the chance to reject the post.

6 names came up after the first round of voting. Out of which, 3 had the highest votes.

my name was included.

they asked the first one if she had anything to say to rally for votes or watever. she said no.
the second had commented earlier on a voting for a previous post.
I WAS BUSY TEARING PAPER FOR THEM TO WRITE ON.
they assumed i've nothing to say
EVERYONE WROTE NUMBERS FOR THE 3 CHOSEN BEFORE i could even say anything.
the vote was final.
i got chosen.

i protested....
purely coz i really have no time.
any of you in the junior legion know why.
i have far too much on my plate right now.
i am already a curia officer of the youth group.
which means i ALREADY have to attend city district senior curia.

this in addition to attending jnr curia's officer's meetings.
this in addition to planning camps, retreats, outings, events.

and the most important part??!!!!!
JUNIOR CURIA IS ON THE SAME DAY AS EAST DISTRICT SENIOR CURIA!
the latter of which I HAVE to attend if i were secretary or any other post in my presidium!

guess what my protest came to?
they didn't even LISTEN
they brushed me off.
and listen to their reasons for brushing me off.
"oh, you can come for our mtg first for awhile, then go over. or better still, u can attend it alternately."

shit.
don't they even know that the junior legion is the only reason i'm still serving here?
that it's the only reason i'm putting up with their crap?
that i don't even bother listening during this presidium meeting coz it's SO SHALLOW and meaningless? coz all they do is try hard to be deep , but out of the whole group, less than 2 of them are really deep ppl???!!!

i know i'm supposed to answer God's will.
something told me while i was boilling in anger that He has His reasons.
I wanted to agree.
I wanted to listen
I wanted to follow.

but i know i can't.
i don't want to t more things on my plate.
any one of you working with those senior ppl know wat they're like.
"oh you're young. you can do it. you're his daughter, i'm sure you can!"
just *********

and stupid endangered animal elected as the biggest one, can tell me he's stuck in between.
can't help me.
oh pls.
because u don't want to make urself look bad

i dunnoe la
this is shit

if i had gotten a chance to just voice my views, and pple still want to vote for me, i have nothing to say. but i didn't even get a bloody chance
and no one cares.
shit

they are all shit.

they just ruined my whole bloody day.

i was on a high when school ended coz my last lesson went well.
i was happy.
even though i have compos to mark
even though i have a bundle of exercises to mark
even though i have to rewrite today's lesson plans + reflections.
even though i have to write tomorrow's lesson plans.
even though all these have to be done before i reach school tomorrow at 8.30.
even though i knew i would only get to reach home at 10 to start doing.
even though my first lesson with my P3s didn't go as well as i'd planned.

i was really happy.

but they had to spoil it.

i'm really really pissed.
really really frustrated right now.

and darling reminded me how i should not take on too much on my shoulder
because the reflections in this week's bulletin was,
not to take on more responsibility than what God has given to us.
purely coz we have to take care of ourselves first, before we can give to others.
and this is perfectly the reason why i should not and must not take up this post.

i firmly believe in this: if you want to give, give your best. if not, give nothing at all.
if you've worked with me, u know my style.
i expect 100% or else, don't even volunteer urself for the job.
my point now is this. i am already giving 100%.
i can give no more.
this ministry is the reason i didn't join to be a cathecist in the first place. because i would rather 1 suffer, than both to suffer.
and i'm telling you, if they won't even hear me out, and let there be a revote,
they will not even receive a single percent from me.
not because i'm selfish.
but, i value my life, i value my time, i value my relationship with God. I can give, but there's only so much i can give.

that's all i have to say.

10:02 PM