Wednesday, September 03, 2008
hah.......as i'm typing this, a thought just came into my mind. I think my blog would be filled with nothing much except for news of the baby in the months to come. Isn't it scary how something so small dominates your life so completely just by its presence? sheesh, it's almost daunting to think of how drastically changed both darling and my life would be with the arrival of the baby.I know i've sounded less than excited so far.....even made the entire news sound almost dismal in the last couple of posts.....and well, for those of you who haven't heard me whine about how i've been feeling, or even seen me in person, you probably wouldn't understand how i can feel so down about such an exciting piece of news. I have tried. Really.... tried really hard to make myself feel a little bit happier, to think of the things I can do to make myself smile and think happy thoughts......but then, my mood swings get caught up with me. And so does the discomfort, and all the human worries that somehow can't seem to escape the depths of my mind. Seriously, all I wanna do day after day right now is to stay at home in bed, beside darling. I have no need or want to do anything else. That, is all I want to do. I have zilch motivation or happy thoughts to last me more than half an hour. Darling's greatest wish right now is to see me smile or be happy for one entire day. I can't even begin to tell you how hard that is. The mere attempt of keeping myself normal whilst I am in school with my friends almost tires me so far that once dusk falls, I end up crying. Don't ask me why. My mood swings are that terrible. They change instantaneously. And when I say cry, I really mean sob......It's weird what pregnancy does to you. Despite what everyone says, every pregnancy is different. My sense of smell and hearing is super acute right now. And I'm totally sensitive to strong smelling things. It just irks me when something smells too pungent. I can't seem to find anything I LOVE or CRAVE to eat, and I have constant heartburn, or in layman's terms, pain in my abdominal area. There haven't been many "good" days in the entire time I've found out about my pregnancy, and I'm just crossing my fingers that I'm one of the lucky few whose vomitting stops after the 1st 3 months. And just for the info, sour plum does not work for ALL pregnant mummies. It sure as hell does not work for me! Sheesh. I've puked to the extent whereby I can just vomit and after I'm done, continue eating straight away. That's how extreme it is.......but, according to my doctor, I'm only a moderate case. I fear to think what an extremely bad case is like!School has been ongoing for 5 weeks now.......and....... already I've taken 5 MCs. It's scary. I almost feel as if I'm re-living my JC days, where I took countless MCs just to skip school coz I hated it. The only difference is that now, I can't seem to pull myself to go to school because I have absolutely no motivation. For those of you who know how driven I am, especially when it comes to work, yup well, now I've turned into the extreme opposite of myself. And that's what I detest about me, right now. It's the incapability to even mentally push myself to do a little bit more than what I think I can. That, to me in the past, was weakness. And I am now living it out. Sigh.Don't get me wrong though. I don't hate my baby. I am excited about it. Maybe I don't talk or coo to baby as much as Darling does....(He does it every time he's home!), But I sure am excited everytime we see the doctor........more because I want to ensure that baby is growing well, especially since my stomach still looks quite flat, this in addition to the puking of the food I consume.....Right now, Baby is 51mm. Baby has grown from a mere 2mm when we first did our check-up in my 5th week......It's amazing coz everytime we go to the doctor's, Baby grows twice the size from the last time we went.......... Just yesterday, it was so so cute, during the scan, Baby was sitting up, cross-legged, lifting both arms up. I don't know how it manages to do that since it's still so so tiny. I've captured the picture on my phone, and that is now my current motivation.....Darling and me have chosen not to do any tests to find out if Baby has any problems like Down's Syndrome, etc, because I feel that medical tests always have an uncertainty. No point increasing our worries when we are gonna bring Baby to this world anyway....Might as well leave it all in God's hands, and just pray for Baby's safety. After all, as Angela said, I probably have a tonne of people praying for Baby's safety right now! Neither would we want to find out the gender of the baby...... we kinda want it to be a surprise.... =) Although we wouldn't mind either, but secretly, I'm hoping for a girl, and Darling's hoping for a little boy for him to play soccer with.... so, let's just leave it to the last date!Names have been picked though..... and Baby's gonna be born in the year of the Ox, just like darling and me....so we are officially a Cow family! How apt for Darling's nickname eh? Haha.....Ah well, I've started a website for Baby......will be posting Baby's sonograms on it soon.....so, if you really wanna know everything, then, I guess you can check that page up regularly!
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