Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Back from yet another appointment.Weirdly enough, I have lost some weight, from 74.55kg to 73.85.... my appetite is really dropping. Can't seem to find joy in food anymore. And each time i eat, i feel like puking. =(Could it also be due to 'strenuous' activity at camp? *shrugs*Baby's weight seems to have peaked at 3.1kg, not increasing since the last 2 visits. But he/she was extremely active today.... moving like crazy during the monitoring of heartbeat. I was hoping to be able to lie on my side whilst doing the heartbeat monitoring, but Baby seems to hate me in that position, choosing to run away and not let his/her heartbeat be monitored... =(The last 3 days have been quite bad, coz I get a terrible crampy feeling in my lower abdominal area... and it's so bad that I tear from the pain.... coz it intensifies, then decreases in intensity, but never going away... and these aren't even contractions. I can't help but wonder what the real thing will be like. The itch on my tummy and legs are driving me nuts. I'm trying so hard not to scratch, yet the itch is so so terrible. I'm using so much powder to try to soothe the itch... but to no avail. I think my scars are gonna be terrible... =(If you've had chicken pox before, this is ten times worse...... i never once scratched during my chicken pox days..... but this, i really cannot tolerate.....Doctor is concerned that Baby might either get too big for me to push, or that he/she might poop into the amniotic fluid..... and so, we've decided that if Baby still doesn't choose to exit my womb by 0030hrs on 22/03, Darling and me would then head to the hospital to induce Baby's arrival. Those of you who know us well enough would know the date is special to us... =) so whether Baby arrives on 22nd or 23rd, the date would still be meaningful....But we're hoping Baby arrives before then.... we really don't want to force Baby to exit the place he/she feels so safe and secure in...... It's been quite a bad morning/afternoon so far.... Darling tried to bring me out for a good meal, since i'm gonna be deprived of all the food/drink I love to eat during my confinement.... but I just couldnt' seem to think of anything I really wanted to eat. I'm also feeling quite moody and down....Ended up having quite a good meal at Ichiban Sushi... the food and service were good, and prices were reasonable..... Yet, it had to be spoilt by me..... coz just as I told Darling I was full, I puked all my lunch and breakfast out.... =(Kinda sucky... but I guess I'm used to the feeling... just that it had disappeared for so long....I know I ought to sound happy and excited about Baby's arrival..... But my emotions are all mixed up right now. I guess the past 40 weeks was just me putting away the thoughts of the changes we'd be experiencing. Although prep has been going on and all, but well, I guess the whole talking about it to Doctor just now has caused reality to hit home, and well, it sure hit hard...... So many unknowns.... I can only pray and hope for the best. Right now, just wanna spend as much quality time with Darling as possible.... coz that's something I really fear losing at this moment. Of course Baby's welcome into our lives, and I'm more than happy to form our family unit....But, well, I guess it's coz i'm so comfy with my life right now that I don't wanna give it up...I do know though that once Baby arrives, I'll feel differently.....and I'll probably look back at this post in a couple of months and smile in amusement at the thoughts going through my mind....For now though..... I guess I still wanna be selfish for a little while more......On another note.... OTC went relatively well.......As always, there were those that exceeded our expectations, met our expectations, and those that fell below it.....But it's all good.... after all, we all need time to grow and change, and it's through such experiences that one grows......The kids are doing well enough for now... And my advice, or rather advice from the 7 of us have been given out in the best way possible. I only hope the lessons they've learnt and their take-home message stays with them long-term, and not just a short-term post-camp high.... because our messages, though not prepared, especially those said during the debrief, yet, it came straight from our heart...... we meant every single word we said to every single one of them......The road ahead is theirs to walk..... and well, all we can do now is to pray and let God lead the way.
3:47 PM
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