♥ Eternity

Sunday, April 19, 2009

3 more days to go!!!!

Can you believe Baby Faith is already almost turning 1 month old?
Feels like it's only yesterday that I was heading to the hospital for my nightmare of labour!
haha.

i simply CANNOT wait to eat normal human food again, finally wash my hair with water (YES, I HAVEN'T washed my hair in a month!!!!!), shower with tap water, and sleep without socks!!!

It's nightmarish, confinement... it sure is. Enough to put me off another child for quite a while. Yes yes, I know it's for my own good.... but seriously, how can we attribute ALL our old age ailments to poor confinement? I mean... truly, if our Chinese style of confinement is THAT good, ALL the women around the world would be following it!
If it were for baby, i wouldn't mind keeping to it, just as i've done with pregnancy... but it's all for me... and that makes me even more reluctant to follow all the rules to a t....

With my mum's eagle eye watching ALL the time though, it's ALMOST impossible for me to bend any rules.
But she's been real nice though... now that we're nearing the end, she's been more flexible with me...

I always thought i'd have lots of conflicts with my mum during this whole period.....
But I was proven wrong.
She's been an ABSOLUTE gem to have... no doubt, i do get annoyed with her every now and then... especially since i'm extra irritable due to hormones and lack of sleep.... but... on the whole, our relationship has really improved in this past month.
She has really helped Darling and me a lot with Faith, and she's been doing a lot for me....
She'll never get to read this.... but I really do appreciate her a lot more than i ever did.

My friend who gave birth last November told me that I would appreciate my mum more after going through labour.

I disagree.
Labour is but physical pain.
Going through motherhood, the emotional, physical and mental turmoil a mother puts herself through - the sleepless nights; the unconditional love; the need to do everything humanely possible to give the best to the child....
It's indescribable.
And you'd only understand when you become a parent.

There've been times when I've broken down in tears coz I didn't know what to do when Faith was crying.
There've been times when I've felt totally inadequate as a mother coz I didn't know how to soothe her.
There've been times when I feel absolutely guilty coz I get so irritable when she cries sometimes.
There've been times when I'm so frustrated coz she keeps crying/waking up from her sleep, and as a result, I lose my own personal time.
There've been times where all I want is just quiet time.
There've been times where I dread all the chores that come with a baby - nappy washing, feeding, bottle washing...etc
There've been times where Darling and myself are irritable with one another because we are so tired.
There've been times when I miss the old quiet days that Darling and I get.
There've been times where I miss being just a party of 2.
There've been times where I look in the mirror and miss how I used to look.

BUT

All these times can't make up for the feelings that overwhelm my heart each time she smiles.....

That alone is enough to make everything all worth it.

Yet.... going through pregnancy, labour, and the infancy stage of a child; the physical changes I've had to endure, the lifestyle changes we've had to make,

I, Perpetua Ng have actually decided that I wouldn't want to go through more than 2 kids....
If you know me well enough, you'd be shocked at the above sentence.
I LOVE KIDS.
When people asked me how many kids I wanted, I used to say, "Even numbers" instead of just stating a number.
Now, I know I'll say 2.....
(Unless God has other plans, and change my mind halfway / give the both of us an accident!)

It's too mentally tiring.....emotionally challenging.....life-changing.

But I have a friend who just had her second child, and she tells me it's so much easier.
Maybe it really is?
I wouldn't know for now..... =)

Now, I'm contented to just enjoy our family of 3..... learn more about Faith.... teach her as much as I can... love her in the best way possible....

And well, when the time comes for Baby 2.... it will come... just as God planned. =)

For now.... here are more pictures of our little princess!!!
If you're wondering, we take photos almost everyday, coz she changes each day!

PS: I've done a 1st month video for Baby Faith, but will post it up after her party!!

see how our intelligent little one holds her own bottle!!!

10:20 PM