♥ Eternity

Friday, May 08, 2009

I received my first Mother's Day gift yesterday.
My mother made a bouquet of bluish-green roses with yellow ribbons for me, then she carried Faith and presented it to me...
I didn't know what to say.
The gesture was so sweet that I was speechless.
The fact that she bothered took my breath away.
The knowledge that she took the time to hunt high and low for roses to suit my favourite colours
warmed my heart.

It's something very very simple.
Especially to my mum and me... because we always wrap flowers for other people on special occasions...
We never want to receive flowers from others because we know the cost that goes into making it, and always feel that it's overpriced, especially since we can make them ourselves....

Yet, she made a bouquet for me.... just to make me feel loved...
Something so simple... yet it touched my heart so completely.
Somehow, I don't want these flowers to wither...
Simply because it means so so much....... =)

3 generations... =)

I can't believe it's already Friday.
Time at home seems to pass in a blur now that Faith is around... I never seem to connect days and dates anymore... maybe coz my days run in 24-hour schedules... and no longer just mornings or nights...

I still remember the first 2 weeks that Faith was home.. we were waking up to feed her so often, that I didn't even see the point of brushing my teeth before I 'went to bed' or after I 'got up' from bed because we were up so often every single night!!! Plus, I was hungry each time after I fed her... so I had to eat... and that made the brushing of teeth even more senseless!

Now.. we have more normal days and nights... but the days go by even faster... I guess it's coz my 24-hr days with her are soon coming to an end.

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Parenthood is indeed life-changing.

When i was still pregnant,

I feared this whole journey before it began.
I dreaded all the changes that would come into the all-too-perfect lives of Darling and me.
I feared the challenges that come with being a mother.
I wondered if we'd be good parents.
I was afraid of everything that would be coming our way...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Faith was first born,

I wondered why I didn't feel that overwhelming love that's supposed to envelope my heart...
My maternal instincts were there, needing to protect her, but weirdly, it felt like mere actions with no emotions attached to it.....
I wondered why Darling was doing a better job at soothing her, and I couldn't seem to be able to make her feel better......
I dreaded each night and each morning that I was alone with her for fear that I'd fail....
I dreaded each cry that came from her because it seemed I was doing the wrong thing....
I worried about her well-being...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that we're into the 7th week of her life,

I fear the road that lies ahead because of the changes that are coming our way now that I'm going back to work.
I worry that her needs will not be met because I'm not with her..(not that I don't trust my mum) I'm scared that she'll not be used to my being away from her....(or rather, the other way round!)

I still fear the challenges that come with being a mother. I still am wondering if I'm doing the right thing and whether we'll be good parents. I still worry about her well being....Darling still does a better job of soothing her....

BUT

I'm beginning to love every moment I spend with her.
I look into her eyes as I talk to her, and I know that no matter what happens, we'll love her unconditionally, and that our love and faith in God alone will be what brings our little family through everything...

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Motherhood doesn't come easy...
Unconditional love for our offspring doesn't descend on us the minute they are born...
It comes with time, sacrifice, tears, and many many other things....

But the minute you feel the undescribable love for your child, it never leaves your heart....

Instead, it tightens its hold on you each time you look at your child, hear her cry, see her smile, hear her laughter, smell her hair, hold her close and feel her tiny hands cling onto you....because she knows you'll hold on to her and keep her safe no matter what happens....

That's love....
True love....

11:28 AM