i've read a couple of blogs in the last hour or so as i'm doing other stuff..... namely, those who had some outing yesterday. (Those of you who don't know me well enough probably think i'm super kaypoh to read all your blogs...but to me, I read only coz I care about your lives.. and about what is happening to you...)
i have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what were the exact contents of what all of you talked about.... but from what I gather through your words, Darling and me more or less got the idea.
We are speechless. Speechless beyond words.
Your fight hasn't even BEGUN.. and all of you are thinking of giving up?
Is this what you've gained from us in the 3 years or more?
You haven't even taken the first step, but already, all of you are lamenting how tired you are... how much you all can't take it, and wondering if it's all worth it.
If this is the general feel of all of you who are remaining, then we really are fearful of the road ahead.
Ian is still around to help all of you.... Angela, Mark, Nigel, Darling and myself... despite the fact that we aren't physically around any longer, yet did we not offer our help to you? All of you taking over are close to at least one of us stated above.... we are not strangers, and we've all been through thick and thin together. Which makes it such that you all shouldn't even be afraid to ask us for help or advice!
What you are taking over is not in shambles. We can even be your 职委 if you really want us to be. You have to realise that we are quitting not because we want to wash our hands off Legion, but because our personal committments are not gonna allow us to give all of you our very best... and none of us want to shortchange any of you. You may feel that you are not ready... but God is there for you.. and so are we... He will guide you through... all you need is faith and trust...literally.
When we took over. We had NOTHING. Curia attendance was crap. No one bothered about anything. There had been no JXY for a year... we were in ruins. And we had NO HELP at all. In the first year, we had to get everyone back, we had to find a spiritual director all by ourselves, we had to get the Legion spirit back, we had to come up with a far better system and way of doing things, we had to hand in our annual report with ZERO guidance.... yet we NEVER EVER gave up. All because our love for this ministry was so so strong.
And before we knew it, 3 years has gone by.
It's not been an easy road, and we definitely did not do a perfect job. There's so many things that can be improved on, so many things we could have done better.
But one thing for sure. We gave our all. And we NEVER gave up.
And that is what matters.
You can only give your best, and trust in God to do the rest.
He has His plans, which may not be what we planned. We only can trust in Him.
There are so many things I wish I could have done to save this whole situation. So many ideals. So many wishes from all of us.
All these aren't fulfilled. I ain't happy about it. But I remind myself that what I want may not be what God wants. And that maybe, our time is up, and that it's up to you, the new generation to take over.
But we did hope that we brought the message across well enough for you all to understand that we ain't going nowhere... and that you'll only be rid of us if you want to.....
Apparently, the message ain't clear enough.
You seem to think you're fighting this journey on your own, and that the future looks bleak.
If that is how all of you are thinking, then I have nothing to say.
We can only be your support. You all are the ones who must fight on and take action. But if that alone seems an impossible task to you before you begin,
Then, you have already lost the fight.
We started with no support but ourselves, with many dreams and ideals of others that we had to fulfill. Yet we didn't give up. Not for 3 years. The road is now yours. It's your decision to make as to whether the battle can still be carried on.
It's your choice. Not ours. It's not a matter of can or cannot. It's a matter of will or will not.
As God said, "I never said it was gonna be easy. I only said it was gonna be worthwhile."
9:33 AM
Friday, June 26, 2009
It's been a long week.
To all my dear friends out there reading this, who are starting school on Monday, you have no idea how hard your teachers have been working in this past week.
It has been a madness frenzy ever since Wednesday, since we were called back for an emergency meeting. The endless calling of parents, checking for details, travel history, updating of contact details, labelling of envelopes, etc etc... And then there's ALL the lesson planning and worksheet prep in the case of school closure....
ALL OF THESE had a deadline.... Wednesday afternoon.... and we started work on that very day itself........
And after all these were completed..... we had to call parents the next day to check for receipt of letter, as well as prepare lessons for those on Leave of Absence because they came back from an affected countries....
It is TERRIBLY TERRIBLY insane....
But we survived...
Monday is gonna be a pandemonium, a frenzy.... especially with the new trigger temperature set at 37.6 deg.....
Lessons are gonna be SOOOO affected that I believe many will wonder why not close school instead.....
But on a personal viewpoint, it really is FAR FAR safer for all the kids to be in school (provided the parents are truthful about travel history, of course!)
Why? you may ask....
Here's why..... even if school closes, I'm VERY VERY certain that all the students would be roaming around in the malls, cinemas, arcades, etc etc etc...... what makes everyone so sure that all the other people walking around you are safe from the virus? You'll never know when you are shopping or out there.... and there are many many irresponsible people........
However... in school, you are in a protected and sheltered environment.... everyone who is in school has already been deemed safe... and therefore, ought to pose no threat to your health at all.....
So many measures are taking place to ensure no kids are put at risk....... and so, if you really are wishing for school closure because you are worried about your health.. .i seriously tell you that school is gonna be far safer....... =)
My parents' friends just came back from Thailand.....an affected country...... and instead of staying home to keep other people safe... there they are roaming about... going to church and all... I'm TERRRIBLY annoyed....don't they know that they are putting themselves and others at a risk? The worst part is... they have 2 grandkids at home... of which the eldest is probably 4 years of age..... and i believe that on Monday, they're still gonna send him to school... because to them, they aren't affected, and therefore their kids and grandkids ought to be safe. *shakes head* I really don't understand these people........ When i see them on Sunday, I'm gonna keep a 3m distance from them.....
Anyway.... we had a staff team-building exercise at Kampong Glam yesterday... it was relatively fun.. although I'm EXTREMELY tired..... found a lot of interesting places to go to in that area.. and made some perfume and all.... hehe.... had a good time.. .and of course, some much-needed exercise! hehehee....
I'm really loving SAC... love the community feel... love how everyone helps everyone out... love that you are never gonna be left out... of course, it's not a perfect world.... there are things that people don't like... etc etc etc... but at least, when someone helps you, you know it's out of sincerity and not because they have an underlying motive.... =)
Michael Jackson passed away. I don't have much thoughts or feelings about it.... but....... yesterday, when Darling started looking for all his MTVs, especially those of our era, it really brought back a whole load of memories.....He was and is the King of Pop.... love all his dance moves coz they were so special in his time... and even now... i don't think any music artiste can truly dance the way he does. =)
Our weekend is filled with activities... yesterday, Darling and me bought Baby Faith out... .and we went to Sakae for dinner... .the manager there remembered us... because we've been going there so often since before i was pregnant, then almost once every week in the later stages of my pregnancy... and this time we brought Faith there! hahaa....
Will be going to try and get the Liverpool car decal later on.... and to give a surprise to Angela..... then... in the afternoon, will be going over to Nigel's place to cook lunch before we go off to the beach... Baby's gonna have a wonderful Saturday with her godparents.... =D
Sunday's gonna be less packed, but i believe we're still gonna have good family time together..... after all, it's the last weekend before i officially start work... yet.. weekends are still gonna be family time.... =)
alright now... many things to be done.... have endless lesson plans to write.... and have to prep for our outing later!!!!
7:14 PM
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Just found out about something that apparently has already been in existence for quite some time, of which we've all suspected but never really thought about.... sheesh... i can't express how dumb i feel... and i only found out about it by chance! oh well..
Sorry.. that's a random thought that's kinda bothering me... =)
Anyway, been spending lots of time with Nigel and Sheena lately.... funny how since we've named them as Faith's other godparents, they've been coming round a whole lot!
Had asked Sheena for a favour to babysit Faith coz I was busy.. and Faith simply adores the funny games they've come up with together... haha.. she's taken a million shots of Faith... in addition to the numerous ones that I take already! Sigh.. .now I've SOOO many photos to develop!
Nigel comes round every Friday after he books out... and we went out for dinner yesterday.... Sheena and Nigel were so eager to carry Faith in the baby carrier, so we let them do so.. Darling and me ended up with an empty stroller, and people were still trying to figure out where our baby was! haha... i commented that we probably look like parents in depression! =p Baby Faith loves their company and well, for that hour or so, she looked like their child, and Darling and me were free for a while!
Haha..... this makes me confident that I can leave her in their care in future..... =D
Have been discussing so much about weddings with Sheena coz her friend's in the planning process, and we came up with this idea that if they couldn't find a place by the time they get married, they can rent a room from us first... esp since Nigel's gonna be posted overseas quite often, and Sheena won't want to stay alone.. haha.. that'll be fun.. an extra pair of hands to help me with Faith... hehe.....
Mac & Cheese next Saturday ya?? ;p
Had a family celebration on Thursday for Father's Day.. Darling celebrated his first Father's Day... and well, as always, it was a nice and warm dinner with 2 of my 3 brothers... =)
Next week is gonna be a busy week... and when most teachers return to work in preparation for the Term ahead... preparations are also being made in the case of school closure due to the virus... sigh.. i wonder how it's gonna affect my attachment...
With the onset of meetings are also the fact that I've to really leave Faith on her own with my mum now..... my mum hasn't officially taken care of Faith all by herself yet... and I only hope that my mum can help us keep to the schedule we've kept for Faith so far... and be able to handle her well.......I can only pray for the best.....
Baby Faith is now teething.... which by itself, is already weird.. because most babies only begin their journey at 3 months plus, and she only turns 3 months on Monday! What's even weirder is that almost all babies start with their lower two front teeth first, but this girl has her canines coming out first......was telling Darling that if ALL her canines emerge first, she'll really look like a little vampire... =)
The teething is giving her some problems though... she gets more irritable if she's left alone for too long coz the pain and itchiness and discomfort gets to her.... will check with the Doc on Monday to see how's everything.. for now... we can only give her teethers and hope it helps.
Can't wait for the check-up on Monday, because we'll get to see how much she's grown lately! She should definitely weigh more than 5 kg now... and measuring her yesterday, she's about 64cm already.... but i guess we both just want to know for sure how much she's grown... like my friend said, their weight and height gain is somewhat like our progress cards... to see if we're doing things right!
Plus, we can't start solids till she's at least doubled her birth weight of 3.28kg... and I'm REALLY looking forward to preparing all the fruit and vegetable purees and cereals for her..... so we have to jiayou!!! =p
Gonna bring her to the beach in a while... have a little family outing.. hope she'll be happy and enjoy the sights..... maybe she'll even love the beach as much as her godparents do! haha...
many many photos.. but they'll all be on Baby's blog.. =)
3:39 PM
Monday, June 15, 2009
I'm tired.
Lately I've fallen in love with cooking once more.. not that I ever stopped liking it! But it's just that i was ever so lazy to cook ever since I got pregnant... but my vibes for cooking just came back again, and i've been at it non-stop.. =)
these few days we've been bringing Baby Faith out a lot.. in a way, i guess i'm sick of being cooped up at home.. .yet on the other hand, we also want to bring her out more often to let her get used to being outdoors. I guess going out also helps us to spend some small family time together.... =)
She's becoming super super playful, and always looking for people to play with her... and she no longer fusses as much these days... she's such an angel.... =D sometimes i can't help but wonder what Darling and myself did to deserve a child as beautiful and perfect as she is. Many a time i still can't believe that she's the product of us.... no doubt God created her.. but... i still can't imagine that she's our child... that i carried her for 9 months... and that i gave birth to her....
Life is really a miracle... =)
Anyway.. Darling and myself 'hosted' our last Curia meeting yesterday.
For the first time in 3 years there were sOOOO many people. All because of the election that was to take place after the meeting. Baby Faith came alone coz my mum wasn't free. She was perfect throughout the meeting. =)
My prediction for all the posts came true... i do wonder if i influenced some of the votes... but oh well.. i guess it's God's will.. =) it feels weird to know that we're leaving. it feels weird to know that our Sundays will no longer be tied down by Legion activites.... Even though we did leave Legion back then in 2005..... yet this time, it feels different. I asked Darling why. He told me that back then, we left on impulse and out of anger and frustration. This time... we are leaving because we have given everything that we can possibly give. We've sustained what was a dying ministry then.... in fact, we almost brought it back to life. We've tried to change it for the better, to give it a brighter future.... But it seems that things wouldn't go the way we wanted it to. Plus, we have a new life in existence now, and we can no longer give the same kind of time and committment that we expect from ourselves as officers of a ministry we both love and owe everything we have to.... Maybe it's for the better. God probably has His own plans. Plans that we humankind are still yet to be aware of...
All we have to do is to trust that this is all for the better. To believe in His will....
Darling and myself may no longer be physically there... but emotionally and mentally we are still striving on with them..... that's our promise... Nigel, Darling and me... we 3 are the last existing souls from the 1998 era. Can't believe that it's been 11 years already.... And our time is now up... We've given everything we could possibly give, and now, with our other committments, it ain't gonna be easy for us to hang on.... so all we can do is to let go..
All I can say to my fellow Legionaries reading this is, Remember that each and every one of us has been chosen by Mary to be her soldiers... We didn't choose her... she chose us........ And in times of difficulty, never forget to turn back to her to ask her for her guidance and intercessions........ Whatever she asks of you, just give it all... and you will get your due rewards.....
11:31 PM
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Next week marks the last time we'll be running the Curia meeting as officers... it's scary how 3 years has gone by....
After July... we'll no longer be directly part of Legion anymore. It's scary... hard to imagine even. I do fear the future coz even all the older ones who are remaining are having their major exams this year.... I wish we didn't have to go... I don't exactly wish to turn my back on them when it's on such uncertain ground... yet, both Darling and myself don't like to be part of something that we can't give our 100% to.... we don't wish to shortchange anyone or anything... and in any case, I believe that God has His plans. After all, it's not like we're walking out on Legion... as I've told the younger ones many times before.... we're just absent physically... emotionally, mentally, spiritually, we are still there, and all they have to do is ask... and we'll gladly lend them a hand, a listening and discerning ear... and advice if they need it.
Right now, the politics are really getting to us... plus.... Faith truly does need all the attention and time she can get from us.... charity begins in the the home... we bought her into this world, we're responsible for her upbringing.....it's only fair that she gets more time from us.... if we stayed, we'd only be shortchanging Legion as well as Faith... and everyone would be miserable....
My darling baby is now 11 weeks and 2 days old. She'll be turning 3 months soon. It really is scary how time flies past you without you noticing it at all...
I look forward to each morning I spend with her, awaiting the brightest smiles and grins from her the moment she opens her eyes.... and when she realizes I'm going to bathe her, she gets all excited and starts kicking her legs in anticipation of the water... All these moments are priceless and I treasure them so because I know that with each day that passes, the time I have with her gets shorter and shorter before I have to go back to work once again...
It's been a long long weekend with Darling away on duty...... I used to fear these times when I'm all alone with her, because I fear that I can't handle her if she gets fussy and cries non-stop.... but now... I just keep in mind what one of my friends said to me, that sometimes, all she wants from us is just to be held and cuddled.....
It's getting slightly easier to look after her with each week that passes.. .and lately, she's been real wonderful to us, always sleeping through the night.... thus allowing us to have a good rest...
Nigel and Sheena dropped by on Saturday to see her.... It was real nice of them, considering that Nigel has already been away for 3 weeks, and would be out of camp only for the weekend.... before he even suggested dropping by, I had wanted to ask if they could come over... then I kinda felt that it was more important for them to spend couple time together, especially since their time together is so precious.
Yet even then, they still bothered to come over.... just to see Baby Faith and to spend some time with her.... it's nice to see them interacting with her, playing with her, and trying to entertain her... I really appreciated their presence... =)
Baby Faith is a very interesting child.... she doesn't mind people around her, but yet, she dislikes everyone else talking in the background, or when there's too much attention focused on her.... what she loves is for people to strike up a conversation with her, one to one... I guess that's the best way to bond with her... =) She's such a talkative child, yet she responds to you only if she wants to... haha... what character she has... =D
She somehow enjoys the television though... yet Darling and me strictly forbid her from watching the tv...at least not until she's much older... considering we both are already myopic, she doesn't have very good 'eye' genes to begin with....so we're gonna protect her eyes as far as possible... plus, the moving images aren't exactly very good for her development either... =)
hmmm...this month is gonna be the last month I receive my paycheck... after which, it'll be 3 more months before my next paycheck arrives. It's gonna be a torture trying to survive only on Darling's salary, especially with the increase in our monthly expenditure with Faith's necessities, as well as the car... I still remember how we both could survive with less than $800 to spend between the both of us when we were trying to save every cent we could for our wedding... with the drop in income for 3 months and after deducting all our fixed expenditure, we have less than $600 to spend each month. It's insane.... when it's just two of us, I guess it's possible... but with Faith... it ain't gonna be easy... but I guess we'll just have to make it work.
12:29 AM
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
I just saw this on my friend's blog... i think it's super interesting, and extremely meaningful.....
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else---the small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit your grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse outto dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
'One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' 'The coffee just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'
Once again, i'm back to being a full-time mum... at least until the last week of June.
It's indescribable. The feelings that run through my veins each time I see Faith smile or even attempt to talk to Darling, myself and my parents.... I do admit that there are times where i get so frustrated coz she cries for no apparent reason at all, and I go crazy. But I don't blame her. After all, she's only a child.
Lately, she always seems so insecure, so afraid that I'm not gonna want her... each time i carry her, she refuses to let me put her down... and when i make her fall asleep whilst i carry her, the minute i put her down, she opens her eyes and cries, and I somehow feel that she's afraid that I'm gonna abandon her.
It pains me to have to see her go through this... but i know it's an inevitable process. I just have to convince her that Darling and me are gonna be there for the rest of her life...
I've seen articles where parents start their child's education as early as 3 months old.. all because they don't want their kids to fall behind.
It's almost disgusting.
Why deprive our kids of their childhood? seriously.... when the child is finally an adult, are they gonna be comparing when they started school? or what funny awards they won as a child? or if they were consistently top of their class in primary school?
who really cares about our childhood achievements when we are adults?
Though it's important that we awaken their senses, and expose them to as many things as we can, yet studying and rote learning is not the only method...
Darling and me have decided that Faith's life is gonna be filled with a multitude of experiences. Once she's old enough to appreciate nature and play with us, we'll have board game sessions every Friday evening, and bring her out to the park/beach for a picnic and some family bonding time every weekend......
We won't push her to consistently get Band 1 or top in class unless that is her actual potential... what matters is that she produces her best, and gives her fullest for each of her test. What also matters is that she's able to accept failure and disappointment when it comes to her doorstep and to learn to pick herself up again, and strive even harder.......
Life's not all about flash cards and results...those are the small things... the sand in our lives..... Life's about spending time with your loved ones, appreciating the things that matter, and enjoying the priceless moments......
1:51 PM
Life is Beautiful
I love you not only for what you are
but for what you make of me.
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