♥ Eternity

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

it's been almost a month since i last blogged!

haha....

enjoying my hols too much la.... it's so nice spending time with my daughter especially since she's trying to achieve more and more new milestones each day!!!

i've been having sooo much fun... hehe... so, i shall briefly talk about everything that's happened since my last post.....

11 - 13 Dec, my entire family 14 adults and 3 kids went on a road trip to KL to visit our paternal relatives.... had loads of fun, and LOTS of bonding.....it's been so long.....far too overdue... our last one was in 2003 to Genting.... i love visiting my relatives in KL... so much warmth.. maybe it's the absence that strengthens the relationship?? Anyway, our main aim was also for them to meet Baby Faith.... =) we went to pay respects to our grandparents too.........took some photos, which u can check out on Baby Faith's blog....

Faith was an absolute darling on the trip......never once making a fuss for no rhyme or reason nor throwing a tantrum.....we're so speechlessly proud of her.... =)

14 Dec, Darling's younger bro's wedding. It was Faith's first time attending a wedding. =) she even served tea to them.... hehe.... many thanks to Winson for agreeing to help out as their photographer on such short notice.....

15 Dec, had dinner with Sheena, Darling and Baby Faith @ Phin's steakhouse, coz I just felt like steak.. hehe....must say that the food quality has definitely increased... =D

16 Dec, brought my grandparents, mum and Faith out for lunch at Nan Bei.... our fave Chinese restaurant after Sheena brought us there... much cheaper and nicer than Crystal Jade Kitchen.. =)

19 and 20 Dec, did grocery and xmas shopping...... love our xmas pressies this year, coz they are so much more meaningful, for our loved ones... hehe...and they are from Baby Faith... hehe...

21 Dec, went to buy Darling's anniversary present.......you know, it's quite hard to get surprises for each other these days, especially since we spend every waking moment with each other and Faith!!! thank God i have my hols to go gallivanting! hahaha....it's harder for my poor darling though, since other than work, he's never away from us!!!! =p so anyway, i wanted to make a calendar for darling, filled with photos of our little family...but i gathered that he wouldn't display it at work, and it'd end up on our computer table drawing dust...so i gave up on the idea....... ended up settling his material wants instead......after all, if you know my darling well enough, he hates spending money on himself.....i've to coax him a million times before he'll buy it...and he's one of those pple who'll see something they like, yet refuse to buy it....but gain contentment simply by going back to the shop to view it over and over again...this stupid habit of his has caused him to miss out on this lovely pair of berms from Nike that went out of stock!!! SIGH.... since he's been wanting his Liverpool jersey since last season, i decided to buy 2 of the 3 available jerseys for him...as well as a PS3 game... since he won't splurge on himself, i'll splurge for him!!!

hehe....i got a lovely mini whiteboard from him for my TO-Do lists at school!!!! i fell in love with it once i set eyes on it...but... didn't want to buy it...felt it was more a want than a need....so darling bought it for me secretly!!! =D

22 Dec, our 2nd wedding anniversary and Baby Faith's turning 9 months!!! we checked out this great place from http://ieatishootipost.com for great food....and we found this place Yakiniku Daidomon located at United Square..... if you didn't already know, i'm a total beef lover...... and darling and me love our fair share of meats.... haha... so, we decided to go....it costs 45.90++ per pax....but the food was fantastic..... can't wait to go there again....... u must really love your meats to enjoy this place....hehehe... for the pics, you can check them out here...

23 Dec, since today is the official anniversary of the date we got together... (7 years and counting!), we decided to give ourselves a little treat and go watch Avatar together....

i totally LOVE LOVE LOVE the movie man...... the visual effects are stunning...so much so that i wanna visit Pandora myself! and the storyline is great.....i loved it.... it's indescribable..... the picturesque forest is still so clear in my head...i think i'm gonna end up dreaming about it tonight....

watching the show, it just irks me to realize how us humans are entirely capable of being as ruthless and cruel as what is depicted in the movie. in fact, we are already doing that...... to kill entire families for the sake of money? sheesh. who the hell do we think we are? just because God gifted us with more abilities and 'brains' than the other living things on earth doesn't mean we ought to take it all for granted.......... i really and truly feel that we deserve 2012 if we as a total human race fail in such a sense...............

Anywayz, on to other things, Faith is really crawling everywhere now....... the best thing about her newfound ability is her reaction when she sees someone come home..... she hears footsteps, then turns around to look.....when she hears the key opening our house lock, she squeals in utter delight then crawls frantically to reach the door in record time to welcome you with the brightest smile ever!!!!

a sight like that makes you forget all your troubles.... =)

no doubt she has her moments where i get so terribly annoyed with her antics.... but i must say, it is true that a mummy can feel her children.... i somehow know what she is feeling if i allow myself to chill and think like her....

she is showing more and more of her personality, and darling and i both agree that she is really outgoing, just like me.....haha...but she's extremely stubborn.... just like the both of us. It turns out that she loves the both of us lots and lots....but she's afraid when i get angry with her. i don't even have to raise my voice... i just have to stare at her.... hmm... i wonder if it's a teacher thing! hahaha.... but on the other hand, she's capable of abusing her father's love for her and gets angry when he speaks sternly to her...so much so that she refuses to be carried by him! can u believe how audacious this little 'angel' is?? =p

yet i must say that she really is adorable and knows how to use her cuteness to her advantage...haha.... she's squealing more and more these days, and is constantly trying to pull herself to stand on anything and everything around the house! she's had a couple of knocks trying to do so...but well, falls and knocks are part of growing up... as long as they're not too serious, i guess it's all okay...... =)

really can't wait for her to start talking and cruising more steadily!!!!

6 more days till it's back to work.....*shudders*...i just wish the hols would never end!!!

10:50 PM

Monday, December 07, 2009

hamster face.

well...so my ordeal is finally over.... first time I went under GA... kinda freaky actually... with all the docs and nurses telling me that my left wisdom tooth is sitting on a very precarious spot...

it didn't help that the patient who did his op before me came back into the day surgery ward looking sooooo extremely stoned and knocked out.

seriously, I've NEVER stayed in a hospital before..... the only time was during Faith's birth... but even that is not counted because Darling was with me throughout it all...so that sense of loneliness never really sets in...

it's quite an experience...really... and well, now i'm on a soft diet...great way to lose weight eh?? hahha....

so... went to watch 2012 and New Moon in the last week or so.... it's been such a long time since we caught a movie...

it's just sooo weird... we constantly wish we had the freedom of going out without Faith...yet when we are out without her, it feels like something is missing!!

anyway, i think the effects of 2012 are really great.... although it's rather 'fake', yet i do think the scenes are really good...... the show really did bring up the selfish side of mankind.... but i do wonder...if this really does happen someday, will we still be equally selfish to want to save ourselves before others??? if this were to happen to me, all i'd want to do is to grab my loved ones, go to the beach, and sit there to pray the rosary... if it's God's will for the world to end, then well, what's the point of running away right?? =)

New Moon was kinda okay.... too much hype, and i do feel that the story was a little draggy... i mean... Bella is sooo super confused isn't she?? if you ask me, i'd rather stick with Edward... i have no idea why..maybe the maturity and the coolness and the suaveness just gives him an added edge... Jacob on the other hand is hot-headed and impulsive.... and still really a little boy at heart...

ah....movies... Darling wants to watch Ninja Assassin...wonder when we can do that.... especially since we are going to malaysia this weekend already.....

so much to do.... with Christmas coming up, school reopening soon, and Faith's birthday too....

Faith is crawling all over the place now, and she moves relatively fast... =) hehe... she's trying to grab everything she can to stand... though when she's tired, she just falls back, so we still have to watch her really closely...

She's addressing us now... and i guess that for now, 'ma-ma' and 'papa' still means the same thing to her... .'papa' needs a bit more practice, but she's going 'mamamama' most of the time now... this little monkey is also very fond of screaming...just for the sake of having fun....

i find it really amusing how she behaves so differently at home and in public...so much so that all the aunties can't believe that she is a true monster at heart... =) she just knows how to get into others' good books... and well, that one trait is someething that makes it impossible to get mad at her....

i can't wait for the trip on Friday.... .it's gonna be fun.. i'm sure... i just hope she survives the long drive without deafening me!!!

12:10 PM

Friday, December 04, 2009

in typing my last post, i was very aware that i would offend some, if not most pple who knew what i was referring to.

yet, i chose to write it because these were my true sentiments

in the process of writing down my thoughts, i realised that i did not give credit to those who deserved it.

and that is my bad.

to say the truth,

from 2 days of observations,

i felt only 2 pple deserved commending, and 1 though not bad, still needed a bit of improvement.
these 2 pple are relatively close to my heart, and they sure did not let us down.
as for the other 1, she was not bad....but it's only the beginning for her....

i will only speak for those 2, because they really worked hard together to ensure the event went well because EVERYONE else failed to do their job they way they were trained to.
no matter how much shit they had to clear of those above and under them,
not once did they give up,
or let their participants in on the fact that the entire event was crumbling underneath their feet.

they do deserve commending,
and i'm not being biased.

if all of u reading this wonder whether i turned up just to criticize every single person,
then well, i can only say you don't really know me at all.
as mentioned previously,
all i smsed told me the event was great, and i was really proud and happy
so we decided to turn up to give all of you support.
but we were disappointed greatly but the amount of oversight on YOUR part.

i've heard that YOU didn't know how or where to ask for our help.

seriously,

i can't help but wonder,

is it that difficult to ask for our help when we were YOUR friends?

ask and u shall receive.

isn't that line something we are all familiar with?

i can't help but wonder if it was truly the fear of troubling us or ego that was causing you to not open your mouth.

clearly, you lacked in manpower with the amount of exams / commitments / lack of experience from your people.

all you had to do was ask, and we could see what we could do to help
if we couldn't ,
you know very well that we would tell you NO....
we aren't that obliged to put ourselves and our child in jeopardy.

But

you chose to continue ON YOUR OWN, unsure, yet unwilling to ask.

i wonder if it's a lack of humility on your part.

1 of the 2 i commended tried to inject some order into the chaos, but clearly, it was not appreciated....not from the start, and definitely not at the end.

isn't it sad how one of your men can alert you to your pure oversight and yet u choose not to see it.......

it's just depressing.

for the record,
i blamed myself before blaming YOU.
because i chose to abandon the ship.
and i felt deeply that it was all my fault.

but now i know

i do know for sure,
that this move was necessary
for you all to wake up

i wonder if you did
because all your participants seemed to love the event.

i can't help but wonder if it was for the right reasons though....
and whether they gained something real from the camp.
or if they loved it because we weren't there to clamp down on discipline.

hey...it's supposed to be fun, ain't it?
well, some of you might say that....but please remember that you all ARE soldiers...
and discipline is an important part of it all....
which it clearly was lacking in this event.

maybe you'll wake up

maybe you won't.

it's all God's plans.

yet, who am i to comment since i'm now an outsider, however experienced i may have been?

i do know one thing for sure.....

if ur event was in any way a success, please thank your participants...and not congratulate yourself....

because they made it work.

not you.

if any one of you reading this are upset by what i've said,

please pause for a minute,

think objectively about everything i've said,

and then think again.

Are you upset coz i'm being biased about what i've said?

or

Are you upset because most, if not all of what i've said is true?

if you know me well enough, you know that i'm writing this with my head, and not my heart,

and that is why it is this blunt.........................

no hard feelings at all......

12:24 AM

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

just came back from something we love deeply and have much feelings for.

i am feeling extremely disturbed, troubled, disappointed, upset......bewildered.......

i don't know what to say.

YOU said that it's time for you all to try it out on your own. YOU told me not to take it the wrong way.....

how could i not take it the wrong way? YOUR first line alone is suffice to tell me that we're interfering beyond your comfort zone.

I can tell you how much i questioned myself ever since that day...... do we think too highly of ourselves? are we expecting too much of all of you? should we just not have bothered from the very beginning? is this the right thing to do?

we did not want to be selfish and think only of ourselves. admittedly, we did abandon all of you.... in a sinking ship, no doubt......but we felt that we needed to do right to our child. i am a person who demands to give 100% of herself...nothing less...and if i can't give the best of myself, then i'd rather not give at all.

can't help but think back to 3 years ago where we were left with an almost sunken ship with NO help and NO support, and we had to fend for ourselves. We're just thankful we were all close-knitted enough to battle it all out together -----what is left today is the result of our 'battle'.

we did not want history to repeat itself at all. And so we constantly volunteered our help. whether we were getting married, having a child, we wanted to ensure that you all always have someone to fall back on, to look to for help, and not to feel helpless and totally on your own. we WILL NEVER leave you in the lurch. NEVER. even though we left....there wasn't once where we stopped thinking of you all/prayed for you all.

in the last 5 months, we've always been wondering how things are, even popping by whenever we could just to make sure that everything was okay......to lend a hand/listening ear if it was required....................

but all of these was thrown into our faces by YOUR words alone.

well.

maybe we truly are thinking too highly of ourselves.

i sincerely do believe you all need to walk your own path, journey upon it on your own, because this is no longer our battle, but yours to fight.

THAT is why we did not take the initiative to step in and run the show, but instead just kept on offering our help once and again.

The minute you all requested for help, we started our engines, ready to wade through this storm with all of you.

it was in dire straits. it really was.

but we NEVER gave up on you. even at the one and only meeting we attended, we tried hard to be optimistic and believed in EVERY SINGLE ONE of you.

just like the event in march. It may not have been done to the very best.... but we sincerely thought it was done to the best of your abilities..... and ALL your participants benefitted from the event.

i fear that this event would not be the same.

PLEASE REALIZE THAT RIGHT NOW, I AM NOT SPEAKING ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THE EVENT, BUT THE THINGS/LOGISITICS, SAFETY, PRACTICALITY, DANGERS THAT HAVE ALL BEEN OVERLOOKED.

mind you. we did not attend ANY program. not at all.

and what made all my fears and disappointments arise were things that are TOTALLY UNRELATED to content.

and these things were observed in a mere 15 mins.

safety was definitely overlooked. the way rooms are positioned; the way convenience/comfort of yourselves was placed before your participants; the way your participants were left unattended on more than one occasion to entertain themselves and play cards in the middle of your event............ all these speak volumes to us.

i now know why EVERY SINGLE PERSON i asked said the camp is okay/not bad/going well.

if i were a camper, i'd LOVE the camp, because i have total free reign to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING i want because no one cares about me..............

but if as a camper, i took time to ask myself if my time was fully utilised in this event, i have to say that i was extremely disappointed. because of the 2 hours i spent there, i noticed that less than 1 hour was dutifully maximised to it's fullest potential.......

it amazes me how people, including YOUR leaders, have time to go onto facebook. if this was done during the witching hours, i'd have nothing to say, because of FREE WILL......... BUT people are going onto facebook at 10am! how in the world is that possible if their time was fully maximised and utilised???????????

YOU are deeper in spirituality than ANY ONE OF US......... yet.... obviously, this is not your concern for your participants of this event.

Need i say more?

YOUR leaders DON'T even know the time of the program, not even when it is their own. Not even your second-in-command seems to know.......

an outsider raised a concern which caused YOUR leaders to question themselves and REPROGRAM something that is the MOST MAJOR in the entire event( - at least, it is the most major to me, for after all, only if IT is conducted well, will your participants have gained anything through it. ) this concern, when probed further by yours truly only gave me more reasons for worry....................how could YOU have overlooked it?

once again, i am NOT questioning the content of your event, or even the ability of your leaders, for SO MANY of them are young and new. what i am questioning is YOUR OVERSIGHT in more ways than one... and how you failed to think about/foresee such things that are GREAT BIG problems!

i was so tempted....so very tempted to stay on....but my most obvious reason for leaving did not give me a chance to. i wanted to stay not because i wanted to laugh and say 'I told you so'.... nor was it because i wanted to show my power/ high experience/ability...... but because i really wanted to ensure the participants gain something from this event.

once again, i must say the LORD is GREAT, for your participants are true angels. had you had a more trouble-making bunch of people, i am sure YOU'd be faced with a multitude of problems...and severe ones at that.

my only sadness comes from the fact that we have new faces, of which some belong to the lost sheep...........if i were them, i'd tell myself to be thankful for not having gone for this event in the last few years, because my time was not utilised properly at all................

YET, i can't help but remind myself that i chose to leave.

AND i can't help but ask myself if this is part of God's plan....that like a parent, it's time for me to let go of your hands and let you fall on your own, just so you'll learn how to pick yourself up once again..................is this your journey to journey on alone without us?????

i can't help but wonder..........

10:07 PM