♥ Eternity

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

just came back from something we love deeply and have much feelings for.

i am feeling extremely disturbed, troubled, disappointed, upset......bewildered.......

i don't know what to say.

YOU said that it's time for you all to try it out on your own. YOU told me not to take it the wrong way.....

how could i not take it the wrong way? YOUR first line alone is suffice to tell me that we're interfering beyond your comfort zone.

I can tell you how much i questioned myself ever since that day...... do we think too highly of ourselves? are we expecting too much of all of you? should we just not have bothered from the very beginning? is this the right thing to do?

we did not want to be selfish and think only of ourselves. admittedly, we did abandon all of you.... in a sinking ship, no doubt......but we felt that we needed to do right to our child. i am a person who demands to give 100% of herself...nothing less...and if i can't give the best of myself, then i'd rather not give at all.

can't help but think back to 3 years ago where we were left with an almost sunken ship with NO help and NO support, and we had to fend for ourselves. We're just thankful we were all close-knitted enough to battle it all out together -----what is left today is the result of our 'battle'.

we did not want history to repeat itself at all. And so we constantly volunteered our help. whether we were getting married, having a child, we wanted to ensure that you all always have someone to fall back on, to look to for help, and not to feel helpless and totally on your own. we WILL NEVER leave you in the lurch. NEVER. even though we left....there wasn't once where we stopped thinking of you all/prayed for you all.

in the last 5 months, we've always been wondering how things are, even popping by whenever we could just to make sure that everything was okay......to lend a hand/listening ear if it was required....................

but all of these was thrown into our faces by YOUR words alone.

well.

maybe we truly are thinking too highly of ourselves.

i sincerely do believe you all need to walk your own path, journey upon it on your own, because this is no longer our battle, but yours to fight.

THAT is why we did not take the initiative to step in and run the show, but instead just kept on offering our help once and again.

The minute you all requested for help, we started our engines, ready to wade through this storm with all of you.

it was in dire straits. it really was.

but we NEVER gave up on you. even at the one and only meeting we attended, we tried hard to be optimistic and believed in EVERY SINGLE ONE of you.

just like the event in march. It may not have been done to the very best.... but we sincerely thought it was done to the best of your abilities..... and ALL your participants benefitted from the event.

i fear that this event would not be the same.

PLEASE REALIZE THAT RIGHT NOW, I AM NOT SPEAKING ABOUT THE CONTENT OF THE EVENT, BUT THE THINGS/LOGISITICS, SAFETY, PRACTICALITY, DANGERS THAT HAVE ALL BEEN OVERLOOKED.

mind you. we did not attend ANY program. not at all.

and what made all my fears and disappointments arise were things that are TOTALLY UNRELATED to content.

and these things were observed in a mere 15 mins.

safety was definitely overlooked. the way rooms are positioned; the way convenience/comfort of yourselves was placed before your participants; the way your participants were left unattended on more than one occasion to entertain themselves and play cards in the middle of your event............ all these speak volumes to us.

i now know why EVERY SINGLE PERSON i asked said the camp is okay/not bad/going well.

if i were a camper, i'd LOVE the camp, because i have total free reign to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING i want because no one cares about me..............

but if as a camper, i took time to ask myself if my time was fully utilised in this event, i have to say that i was extremely disappointed. because of the 2 hours i spent there, i noticed that less than 1 hour was dutifully maximised to it's fullest potential.......

it amazes me how people, including YOUR leaders, have time to go onto facebook. if this was done during the witching hours, i'd have nothing to say, because of FREE WILL......... BUT people are going onto facebook at 10am! how in the world is that possible if their time was fully maximised and utilised???????????

YOU are deeper in spirituality than ANY ONE OF US......... yet.... obviously, this is not your concern for your participants of this event.

Need i say more?

YOUR leaders DON'T even know the time of the program, not even when it is their own. Not even your second-in-command seems to know.......

an outsider raised a concern which caused YOUR leaders to question themselves and REPROGRAM something that is the MOST MAJOR in the entire event( - at least, it is the most major to me, for after all, only if IT is conducted well, will your participants have gained anything through it. ) this concern, when probed further by yours truly only gave me more reasons for worry....................how could YOU have overlooked it?

once again, i am NOT questioning the content of your event, or even the ability of your leaders, for SO MANY of them are young and new. what i am questioning is YOUR OVERSIGHT in more ways than one... and how you failed to think about/foresee such things that are GREAT BIG problems!

i was so tempted....so very tempted to stay on....but my most obvious reason for leaving did not give me a chance to. i wanted to stay not because i wanted to laugh and say 'I told you so'.... nor was it because i wanted to show my power/ high experience/ability...... but because i really wanted to ensure the participants gain something from this event.

once again, i must say the LORD is GREAT, for your participants are true angels. had you had a more trouble-making bunch of people, i am sure YOU'd be faced with a multitude of problems...and severe ones at that.

my only sadness comes from the fact that we have new faces, of which some belong to the lost sheep...........if i were them, i'd tell myself to be thankful for not having gone for this event in the last few years, because my time was not utilised properly at all................

YET, i can't help but remind myself that i chose to leave.

AND i can't help but ask myself if this is part of God's plan....that like a parent, it's time for me to let go of your hands and let you fall on your own, just so you'll learn how to pick yourself up once again..................is this your journey to journey on alone without us?????

i can't help but wonder..........

10:07 PM