Thursday, February 04, 2010
wow. i have not blogged for like forever. i do apologise for the lack of updates on Faith's blog and my own, but life has been insanely hectic. I have not had a good weekend since school started because it's been chock-filled with activities... i can't imagine how it'd be like if i were still in Legion!sigh. I barely have enough time to chill with Darling and Faith..... and pressures from school is really building up. things aren't going the way i'd like them to right now, and everyday, i just wish for a getaway. i need to recharge. i NEED time with my family where i can stop thinking about work for a while. i NEED time to relax. i have no idea how. Baby Faith is just growing and changing everyday. I truly wish i had much more time for her because sometimes, the stress and fatigue from work affects me sooo much that i end up getting easily frustrated with her, and she doesn't deserve it at all. The guilt that attacks me after is indescribable. much as i know that God has his reasons for everything, sometimes, i just can't help but ask why. Watching her build closer bonds with my mum, i'm happy yet also envious and jealous that i'm not the one building these bonds with her. She searches for my parents all the time now, when before i started school, she wanted Darling and me far more than them.......it's disgusting that i'm saying such things. but it's the truth. if only my current life was rewarding in some aspect, or if i were feeling a little more fulfilled in some way, i guess i won't feel so down. so many things to talk about in the update...much of which are actually happy..... but they are all marred by my current feelings and emotions. it's just been a bad day. i want my getaway to australia NOW. i want my time with Faith and Darling... NOW......God, please give me strength.
11:54 PM
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